Farewell My Eternal Love

Baggy sweatpants,
Baggy T-shirt
And my baggy black uzzi hoodie.
It is a quarter after midnight,
I rolled over thinking that I would find her laying next me,
Being met her warm breathe,
And her warm body,
She is my thermal heater in the winter time.
Cold air,
Blue skies turned into long Grey days,
Teeth crackling loudly against each other,
I really want this winter end already.
Shoes on the side of the bed,
I woke up and begin walking to the bathroom,
Thinking that maybe the love of my life needs some space,
Maybe she is laying in the next room.
Thinking about my life before I walked away from a familiar place that I called home.
The mother of my kids,
My first love,
Kindly forgive me if I have to drop everything to just to make sure she is okay.
Bed side table shaking uncontrollably,
Cell phone vibrating,
Unfortunately the caller id says unknown,
I begin to wonder who is this?
Can I speak to Mr. Greenwood please,?
It’s in connection with what exactly?
Unfortunately she is still listed as my wife,
Responding with heavy fearful heart,
Can I help you??
Sir, your wife has been murdered in cold blood,
Heart dropping to the ground,
My entire world came crashing down like missile attack from space.
I wish I could run for cover,
Protect their little hearts of waking up and realize that mommy is not there anymore.
Dropping the phone on the ground,
Knees hitting the ground like huge weight crashing on my shoulder.
Tears racing down my face,
She finally made me weep like a little child.
Replaying the day when I walked out on her without a single thought,
The rage of hurt grew inside of me,
I never thought I would imagine life without her literally.
One call away,
The calm after the storm.
I would dismiss her and tell her leave me alone.
Bothering me with a million messages,
Constantly popping up to ask if I am okay?
I guess that her way of saying that I love you,
And it drove me insane,
How does she still love me despite serving her a pile of a shitty attitude?
From day one, her intentions were completely pure,
Going out of her way to make me feel like a dime,
Maybe it was not the right time to say Goodbye.
Seeing me at my lowest prime,
Begging me to tell her what’s going on,
The truth is that I still love her more than anything else.
I wish I could go back in time just to save her from this horrible life.
Now I am forced to make sense of the puzzle without her,
The missing piece of my life.
Picking up her favorite book,
A little white envelope fell to the ground.
It is a little note,
Recalling how she enjoyed sending those every day,
I guess she really loved me despite the monster I showed her,
Sliding my hands through the glue,
It was addressed to me.
The mother of my kids wrote to me,
Sitting comfortably on the floor,
Head on the ground,
I see her tear mark on the white page,
The kids were right in saying that mom has not been okay.
Sitting in the dark room when they were not around,
Cell-phone turned off,
Blinds completely closed,
The house looks like an abandoned house.
I guess that was her way of mourning what we were.
I begin racing over to her place,
Hoping to find my secret stash of Jagermeister.
Hands completely enclosed on the doorknob,
I turned it slowly.
There lies the body of the woman who was my biggest cheerleader,
Hands completely enclosed over my mouth,
I lost my ride or die,
Ashes to Ashes,
Dust to Dust,
Begin to weeping like the little boy who watched his role model leave him for good,
Holding onto her for the last time,
Her scent falls on me like a drop of rain,
Eyes closed tightly,
Recalling her face with her eyes open wide.
Her beautiful smile,
I remember how she used to get excited just to see me
Silently saying until we meet again my love,
This is goodbye.