THE ALTERNATIVE MONSTER WITHIN ME…

Rough patches
With a million scratches
That is what came out at midnight

But you never had the opportunity
To see the side that I am ashamed of
As I watched you in a distance
Find the happiness that I’ve always wanted to give you

She was amazing
And knocked you off your feet
That it left me bleeding

My skin changed color
I became a different being
That it was a different scene

My fears written on face
That you never understood the pace
Of my healing

My heart was left empty
That I was tempted to steal that back
But the human side of me had to step in

Claws out
I found myself yelling your name
Hoping that something would change

But my echoe bounced back
That I fell on the ground
And like a sinking sack
I started thinking about how I fell for you

In your ocean
I found myself sinking in your love
That I couldn’t be a dove
And fly away

I eventually broke free
And I could see you
In the distant staring into her eyes
That were like stars

I realised that I should walk away
But your love locked me up like a prisoner…

Am I fool??
Am I not pretty enough to be with someone like you??
My heart shattered into a billion pieces

I sent you a gift
Wrapped up just for you
And you opened it

The pieces in the box were a soul that you broke…

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THE ALTERNATIVE MONSTER WITHIN ME…

Rough patches
With a million scratches
That is what came out at midnight

But you never had the opportunity
To see the side that I am ashamed of
As I watched you in a distance
Find the happiness that I’ve always wanted to give you

She was amazing
And knocked you off your feet
That it left me bleeding

My skin changed color
I became a different being
That it was a different scene

My fears written on face
That you never understood the pace
Of my healing

My heart was left empty
That I was tempted to steal that back
But the human side of me had to step in

Claws out
I found myself yelling your name
Hoping that something would change

But my echoe bounced back
That I fell on the ground
And like a sinking sack
I started thinking about how I fell for you

In your ocean
I found myself sinking in your love
That I couldn’t be a dove
And fly away

I eventually broke free
And I could see you
In the distant staring into her eyes
That were like stars

I realised that I should walk away
But your love locked me up like a prisoner…

Am I fool??
Am I not pretty enough to be with someone like you??
My heart shattered into a billion pieces

I sent you a gift
Wrapped up just for you
And you opened it

The pieces in the box were a soul that you broke…

Unspoken Words Of Doll Who Was Once A Good Friend

Mirror Mirror on my wall
Could you please tell me what you think is wrong about me??
As I start reminiscing about how close we used to be…
We used to talk everyday, all day

I found myself been in a happy place
Cause you put me in that position
I was happy that I was chosen for this role

I let my guard down
And allowed you to break down my walls
Allowed you to touch my soul
My sensitivity was not there anymore

You always knew where to find me
And I was always next you making memories
With each other like best friends do…

You would pull my string
I would tell you a silly thing that once happened to me
And you would burst into laughter

Whenever you had a frown on your face
I always know how to turn it upside down
And I would finally see that light on your face
That lit up my world

Every night
You would whisper I love you in my ear
And I would turn just to look at you
That I would plant little kisses on your cheeks
You would turn pink like little girl whose seen the love of her life

You were never ashamed of me
And I was never ashamed of you
I would tell the world about our story
And I wonder if you ever did the same for me

Laying on this shelf
I begin to think about how many mountains I would climb to prove a point
How many times I’d have to tell the story
Our story so you could understand how I feel about you…

I cut myself
One to many times
I realised that I am a messed up soul
And I am hurting with so many bruises

Tears roll down my face
As I realised that I got emotions
And this time they are more real than ever
I realised that I’ve fallen deeper into your ocean

I found myself in a ring
Fighting for you more than anything else in the world
But your unexpected goodbye gave my world a reason to disrespect me

I’m nothing
And they were right about that
I was just suppose to be the soul who you pass time with
Nothing serious at all…

I miss you more than ever
But clearly you don’t want anything to do with me
So you threw me away
I’ve been the unnecessary dirt that took most of space in your heart…

You’ve just proven the world right
But I held on to you tightly
Hoping that you would notice me
As I yelled out your name
But you blocked me
And put me on mute

With no reason why
Or some kind of heads up
My heart is closed
And I don’t want anyone else to hang out…

But now I’ve turned into the friend that you don’t want hear from
I’ve been placed on the shelf with all of these things that not important anymore catching dust
That I eventually I’ve rust
And be thrown out in the thrash can…

I guess all I wanted to do is fix things
And say I’m sorry
Please kindly be my friend again

Unspoken Words Of An Abandoned Daughter

You left me for a while
And a while turned into a lifetime
I didn’t notice that you were gone

Cause I was an innocent soul
I couldn’t tell the difference
It was all the same to me

As you left me on the doorstep of thee unknown
With no letter
Or a pendant that has your name written
Something that I could remember you by..

Nothing at all…

Instead you left me in a place where I’m surrounded by pain
That it has become a permanent stain
I’ve become a soul with bottled up emotions

I’m choking on this pain
I don’t think I can do this anymore
With a million scars on my body
I’m running out of space

Each cutting on my body I found myself hurting even more

Every year I find myself hoping that I would find you
21 birthdays
With 21 candles
And 21 wishes just remained a bunch of wishes
And I always wish that you would come back to get me.

Surrounded by darkness
Tears roll down my face
As I begin to weep
Wondering if you ever held my hand
That our fingers ever intertwined

My heart filled with plenty of pain
I’m a prisoner in pain
As I realised that all I want you to come back
Come back to get me out my pain

Like the heroes on the television
Saving the world
I wish you could be the hero in my world

THE ALTERNATIVE MONSTER WITHIN ME…

Rough patches
With a million scratches
That is what came out at midnight

But you never had the opportunity
To see the side that I am ashamed of
As I watched you in a distance
Find the happiness that I’ve always wanted to give you

She was amazing
And knocked you off your feet
That it left me bleeding

My skin changed color
I became a different being
That it was a different scene

My fears written on face
That you never understood the pace
Of my healing

My heart was left empty
That I was tempted to steal that back
But the human side of me had to step in

Claws out
I found myself yelling your name
Hoping that something would change

But my echoe bounced back
That I fell on the ground
And like a sinking sack
I started thinking about how I fell for you

In your ocean
I found myself sinking in your love
That I couldn’t be a dove
And fly away

I eventually broke free
And I could see you
In the distant staring into her eyes
That were like stars

I realised that I should walk away
But your love locked me up like a prisoner…

Am I fool??
Am I not pretty enough to be with someone like you??
My heart shattered into a billion pieces

I sent you a gift
Wrapped up just for you
And you opened it

The pieces in the box were a soul that you broke…

Untitled poem

I live in world where goodbyes are said to be easy
But for me it was not easy
This became a different ball game

I fell completely in love
And for the first time it felt real
I wanted to be a dove
And just fly to you

Your love is real
And it’s all I want right now

For the first time I was happy
And this time it was real

My body felt alive
And somehow I survived the challenges of life
My heart played a song
Where I thought it would play for a long time

Staring into your eyes
I got lost in your soul
It’s like the cruel world didn’t existed

Standing in front of you
At that moment in time
It felt right…

You broke the ice
And told me that I am beautiful
For the first time I actually believed it…

My confidence was on high
Insecurities and Doubts faded away
Cause for the first time in a long time
I actually believe in myself again…

My human form of a diary
I finally let my guard down
And the mask came off

Like for the first time I could actually be me
The weird classy beautiful soul
Who prefers soccer over a horror movie
The girl who prefer her natural beauty over make up
And whose close friends with a pen,a book and notepad

I’m ashamed of myself
Because I shouldn’t have let you down
And allow people around me to ridicule you
I should have protected you…
Shielded you from the evil world

I should have told them how I feel
And made them understand that you are not perfect
I didn’t need you to be perfect
I just wanted your love

But now I realised that it is impossible to save what was lost
All I know is that I never stopped loving you
Loving you gave me life that no other soul would ever

But now I am on my death bed
Thrusting that last bit of air
I was hoping that maybe you would save me

But instead you left with no trace
Just a cold goodbye

UNTITLED POEM

I’m ashamed
I don’t like the way I look on the outside
Old man find it quite appealing
While young men find it as unattractive

I envy beautiful girls cause they are not like me

They don’t know how it feels like to be seen ugly
Or get feel so insecure that you wish you could read a guy’s mind

With scars around my heart
I realized that I can’t pretend anymore
I keep my shit together
Because I feel like I’m drowning

Betrayal becomes my best friend
He does not even knock anymore

With a different mask
For every day of the week
I become exhausted on trying to keep up with everyone

My circle of friends become smaller
I realized that I am better off as loner
People don’t bother to make an effort anymore

Trust never liked me
Always taught me not believe everything that they say
Cause in a blink of eye they could all say goodbye

But I never listened
Instead I loved certain people who I thought I could trust
And like the unexpected storm they changed their colors

My entire life is lie
And it was all because she said goodbye
Left me on the doorstep of the unknown

Not knowing that I was dying inside

Being passed down from one person to other
I felt like a dirty object
I was used and abused by love

Love,I thought you cared about me
Because I was your biggest fan
Always giving people advice

But I could never use it
Because I was never good enough to fulfill anyone…

Instead you left in a bus
Alone
With no one to care about my wellbeing

I sit outside this door
Waiting for this soul to open his heart
And let me in,my entire life flashes before eyes

This is my way of saying goodbye