The Conflict In Her Mind Versus Her Reality

All she wants is to be seen as beautiful
Gorgeous
Good enough in your eyes
A hot firebomb
Truth is he is way out of her league
She’s his to hold
But he just wants her body
Releasing everything that his feeling into her temple
Yelling from her diaphragm
He had a little smug of his face
The temple that she’s kept so sacred
Her deepest fear is losing her innocence
And being treated like just another number
She finds herself overthinking and contemplating
Fearing that you might find your shining star
Thinking that maybe he would not like her the same way she like him
She found herself crucified for he’s past mistakes
It became a bunch of wasted takes
Wondering if she is making the right decision
Fearing that she might have disappointed him
Wishing that she could go back to the crowd
She took off his t-shirt
He took off her pants
Caressing her legs
She got lost in his eyes
Trying to find the right words to describe what she’s thinking
Replaying everything that happened in her past
Her prayer is that she does not lose herself
Afraid that she might fall much harder for him
Throwing herself in front of the target
She chose to risk herself over losing the friendship
Doing everything to make him happy
Putting his happiness first
Everything else that she wants means nothing to her
Her needs are in the back burner where they belong
Packed in suitcase
Hidden from the world
His smile became her muse
Burning red eyed girl is who she became
Feeling tired and really exhausted
Knocked out for a while
There’s no point in fighting anymore
Losing to her fears
Open wounds hurt even more
Eyes closed tightly
For a while she disappeared into a world where only she’s finally at peace

The Soul Behind The Microphone

You’re my muse
A blank canvas
And I’m the artist
Covered in paint
Trying to capture your beauty from within
In different colors
To highlight different parts of your soul
Staring at your reflection
All I
Thick black eyebrows
Sweet perfect colored lips
A gorgeous smile that lights up my world
Flawless soul
Shining light on your face
Staring at into the windows of your soul
Eyes closed tightly
I want to know what you thinking
Yearning to see you in your happy place
Seeing you behind the glass
Spitting the most illest bars
With the most sickest lines
Smiling from one ear to the other
I’m proud to call you mine
You’re a dream come true
A rare work of art
I feel like I am an artist
Capturing your beauty
In different ways
I love every single thing about you
Gazing into your beautiful eyes
Behind the glass
For some reason the mask came off
You are the reason for my smile
Like for a while
My mind disappears miles away in a place where only you and I existed
I find myself liking you
The person you are
The soul that you transforming yourself to be
Its inspiring
Loving your beautiful flaws
Accepting the perfection that I see in you
Choosing to focus on your happiness
It’s quite sexy
I find myself drooling over you
Mr Incredible

Her Worst Scariest Nightmare That Never Disappeared

She felt like a failure
A burden
As her mind replays her scariest memories
22 years later
It still feels like it all happened yesterday
Her chest getting tighter by the minute
It feels really hard to breathe
Being in that room
Surrounded by machines
People coming in and out
Having needles inserted in and out her veins
Seeing all these scaples
It scared
Every night tears rolling her face
Deep inside she is dying
Fearing of getting hurt
As she held on tightly to the hand that was there
Induced with aesthetic
Feeling numb from the waist up
Her sense of feeling
The hand that once held her hand is no longer there
Eyes open wide
She is left alone with her thoughts
Picturing herself in her head running around in an open field
Feeling happy
Finding her place in the world
Nurses discover the smile on her face
She’s miles away
Connected to machines that kept her alive
Thinking that she’s a beautiful in spite of the scars on her body
It became part of her story
Exposing herself to the outside world
Thinking that things would be easier
But instead she got awkward stares
Wanting to crawl into a shell
Hiding from the outside world
Building strong iron walls to shield her soul
It’s hard to trust people close to you
Words turned into loud empty tins
Constantly overthinking and contemplating whether it’s true or not
Struggling to feel safe
Wanting to feel comfortable, it became hard
Strong young lady in the mirror
But internally she’s a mess
Like broken guitar
It’s hard to put her back together again

Dream Prisoner

She’s never been enough
Needing time to find herself
And her place in the world
Comparing her journey to everyone else
Thinking that she’s supposed to bloom out when they want her to
But she’s still in her cacoon
Working so hard to be someone they would be proud off
Confused about who she is
Thinking that they would point her into the right direction
But they brought her to an unfamiliar place
A place where she’s completely lost
Alone
And completely scared
Moment to herself
Eyes closed tightly
She dreamt about hearing those words
If that moment ever came to true
Would she cry
And say thank you
Or turn the other way, choosing not to acknowledge the comment
Dark thoughts
She’s broken to the core
Spending most of her time sitting at the bus station
Waiting for them to meet her half way
Replaying that entire war in her head
Knocking out the negative
Cutting the cord on what no longer brought her happiness
It took a long time to build her up again
She was just a little caterpillar
Doing whatever everyone else thought is best for her
But for how long??
Wearing a number of masks
Each day is a different day for a different character
Telling her to swallow the big girl pill
She’s alone in that ring
When all the negative seeds knock her out
Rip her like food
No one is there to yell at her to tell her that she needs to keep fighting
Becoming part of the furniture
She became completely invisible
Acknowledging her when they needed something
They refused to cut the cord
And walk away from all of it
Making the hardest decision of her life
Walking awa with validation
She chose her dreams over they hopes and dreams
Seeing that shooting star that doesn’t come every day
Making peace that they will be happy the way they wants to be
Wishing for inner peace and happiness
Her soul is set free

The Internal War…

I wish I could let it all out
Drop the guard down
Let you in
Without overthinking
And contemplating if I made the right decision
I want to be more than just an ordinary number
Yearning to slumber right next to you
Exposing you to the nakedness of my soul
To be taken to different world
Whenever I’m in your presence it feels like magic
A rare feeling
Like diamonds
I always feel like I am shining
But I don’t want to lose this
My deepest fear is losing us
Scared that you might cut the cord
Cut ties with me
Feeling like a fool in front of you
Walking away with so much embarrassment
I don’t think you would see me the same way again
Making a mess
Being addicted to you
I don’t know if I will ever be okay with eyes wondering around
Wishing I could read your mind
To know what you think of me
If you ever think about me
My mind is claustrophobic
Going on overdrive mode
Choosing your happiness over everything else
I just want to have a moment with you
Balling my tears out
Everything in the past has resurfaced
Spilling out the darkness
I’m not sure how to tell you that I need you
Hoping that you would not see me as weird
Being in good place
All I want is you

The Beautiful Human Being Through My Eyes

I wish I could express how I’m feeling to you
Maybe you’ll see that my intentions are true
You mean a lot to me
I wish you could believe me
Something real
And genuine
A rare work of art
Like a shooting star that doesn’t come every day
You’re a dream come true
A sweet escape
Whenever I’m in your presence it feels like magic
A whole another world
With endless possibilities
It’s simply amazing getting completely lost in your eyes
I feel like you’re staring into my souls
You could sense that behind my walls are opening cracks
Choosing to turn my head away
Before you turn my eyes into glass
And the burden I’ve carried for so long comes unraveling so fast
Like a downriver
Igniting you with so much power to break whatever’s left of the broken glass
The soul that I held on the pedestal for so long
It feels like a dream come true
Trying by all means to protect this work of art
I feel like I am at war
Feeling like grenade are being thrown at me from different directions
It’s been a battle not wear this heart on my sleeve
Like a fresh wound
It hurts too much to take that risk
And put everything on the table
Like it didn’t mean anything
Eyes closed tightly
Thinking about everything that happened before you
It hurts too much to even think about it
Choosing to deal my mistakes
And wasted takes
Needing to rewrite the story from a different perspective
You have brought me a new set of fresh eyes
A bliss of happiness
Choosing your soul
A personality that is hard to find
Locking myself up
A mysterious soul from a distance
The man on the pedestal
Hoping that you wouldn’t be scared off by my emotional scars
Eyes closed tightly
Feeling your body in front of me
Understanding that I didn’t ask for the thoughts in my head to get this loud
Punching myself inside my head
Strong glassed eyes that have broken
I hope that you don’t walk away
Apologizing to you in my head
But struggling to tell you
Words cloaked up in my throat
My voice disappearing in thin air
Crossing my fingers that I haven’t let you down
Sorry is all I can say

Living Other People’s Dreams At The Cost Of Her Happiness

They’re thoughts are dark
Eyes clouded up by they’re own judgement
What she wants
Means absolutely nothing in their eyes
In a small room
Filled darkness
A prisoner
They’re prisoner of failure
Shielded from the world
They’ve become too embarrassed to be seen with her
She feels locked up
Forced to live other people’s dreams and ambitions
Muting her own dreams and ambitions
Constantly asking her what she wants to do
Showing them her work
They brushed her off
Like an annoying insect
She already said it
Pushing herself for someone to recognize her
To grant her a chance to shine
Something that she does during her spare time
Became her entire life
Choosing her happiness over what everyone wanted her to be
Starting this journey on her own
Feeling so alone
Standing in front of the microphone
Wearing her heart on my sleeve
Staring into the crowd
Eyes searching for a familiar face in the crowd
Surrounded by a bunch of strangers
She hears them cheering for her
On the edge of their seats
Her guard is fallen completely
Feeling in her element
She’s in happy place
Sharing her thoughts with the world
Hearing it flow with each rhythm
Leaving her entire heart on this stage
Tears rolling down her face
Trusting a strangers with her unspoken thoughts
And scary demons
Loneliness of the past came up
Like an unexpected storm on the horizon
Staring at the broken pieces on the floor
Her hands filled with open wounds
Thinking about how she bled out
She’s not ready to lose herself again
Blank pages, pens and plenty of books
Unspoken words jumbled up in her head
This is her life

The Earthquake From Within…

I feel like screaming out loud
Punching a punching bag
Like a fighter
My mind is claustrophobic
With a million unexpected thoughts
I find myself overthinking
Going over our conversations
Like a song on repeat
This is really hard
When I am drawn to your personality
Wishing I could find the courage to tell you the truth
WishingBut at what cost??
Losing something I’ve always wanted
Like my favorite toy that I have always wished for every Christmas
Feeling like you’ve got me wrapped around your fingers
I can’t help it
Feeling like melting butter in your hands
I wish I knew what happened before me
Hoping for the day you would be vulnerable with me
That you would let down your walls
Surrounding yourself with rubbles of pain
Allowing me to help you
Getting through your doubts and fears together
You’ve made your mistakes
Choosing the amazing flawed soul that you are
So you won’t feel like I am going judge you
Thoughts of buried feelings
Putting things on mute until further notice
Showing you how much I truly care about you
Wishing you could do the same for me
When my thoughts become so dark that it’s hard to deal with sometimes
I’m tempted to text you
Telling you that I need you
But I put your happiness first
And feel the tears rolling down my face
Crying myself to sleep
Feeling safe within the four walls
Where no one would know of my existence in your world besides your best friend
I’ve got strong walls covering my heart
Spending time with you is really hard
As I tried by all means to avoid replaying the entire moment in my hand
Wanting so badly to feel safe around you
Covering my feelings with masks where you won’t I’m hurting
Maybe you don’t feel the same way I do
I know that I’m not the type of girl that you’d be seen with
Thinking that I might ruin the reputation that you have built for yourself
Keeping me in the distance away from the public
Rewinding to how I was once someone’s secret
I’m not ready to lose myself again
Just until I can suppress these unspoken emotions
Knowing that you might break my heart
Trying to detach myself from you
But it’s hard when you’ve created a place of your own in my life

Thoughts They Would Not Understand…

Her mind is screaming loudly
She wishes she could ignore the dark thoughts in her head
But her worries get the better of her
Waking up tears rolling down her face
She’s beginning just feel really lonely
Being in a room full people
Feeling completely comfortable being on mute
Wishing she could go on do not disturb mode until everything is calm
This feels like a storm
And all I’m seeing is razor blade and darkness
Feeling
Staring at the reflection in the mirror
She struggle to accept herself
Hating how people stared at her
Wishing they knew what was going on in her head
Body filled with scars and bruises
They went away
But remained internally
Emotionally they were visible
But no one could see through the mask that she wore to well
Hoping that it would get better
All she wanted to be alone with her thoughts
Seeing it was easy for them to point her wrongs
Drowning in her heart in a bunch of songs
But they kept on putting pressure on her to be what they wanted her to be
Shifting the blame for her internal behavior to an innocent soul
Cutting herself emotionally
Each cut became less painful for her
Glass eyed girl
The cracks were showing all to well her guard held up high
An addict to the pain
Happiness became luxury
She thought it was unaffordable

My Deepest Fear Of Needing You During My Darkest Days

I wish I could need you
Like you need me
That I could let down my walls
And be completely vulnerable in front of you
That I could tell you everything that I’m feeling
Or that is going on in my head
And you wouldn’t see me as weird
Or make things awkward
Most days thoughts are louder than my voice
Waking up tears rolling down my face
The mask that I wore for a long time just feel off
Broken glasses on the floor
Bleeding unstoppable hand cuts visible
Fixing all the broken pieces on the floor
I tried by all means to find my center of peace
Trying by all means to trust you
But it hurts to much
As I think back to everything that happened in the past
I’m holding myself back
Wanting so badly to shatter the walls with you
But I don’t know if you would see me the same way
My deepest fear is losing you
Feelings placed in the back burner
Sheltering our friendship with every thing that I have
You’re a dream come true
I’m not ready to lose inspiration as yet
My sunshine during the dark days
I’ve always wanted to be in your presence
For a while I feel safe
Not expecting anything
But real moments that don’t come everyday
I wish I could express everything I feel for you
But I feel words are not enough to describe how honored I am to have you
Eyes looking deeply into my soul
Incredible artwork is all I see in you
Gratitude filling my heart up
Amazing soul in the distance is all I see…