There are things that I wish I could tell you
But I do not think you would understand
Staring at the beautiful night
Wishing that you could be in my shoes
For a while
Look at things from my eyes
Maybe you would understand why I never left the boxing ring
Why I stopped fighting
Even though there’s nothing much to fight for
Sitting in the room that was once filled with so much happiness, love, and kindness
But it has turned into a cold space
Staring at the hourglass that you left on the table the day you moved into my heart
But there’s no sand on the upper bulb
Feeling a huge knock on the center of my chest
It hits me hard that the glassed heart is empty
Fingers crossed tightly, I patiently waited for you to walk through the door
The sun going down slowly
And it started getting dark
Thoughts in my head started getting louder
Trying, by all means, to avoid thinking the worst
Eyes closed tightly
Searching for my happy place where I hid the good memories
Giving my head this instant rush
Picturing that beautiful smile on your face that left me completely mesmerized
Hearing your beautiful voice that gave me instant shivers down my spine
I wanted nothing more but to make you happy
Feeling a painful cut in my heart
Wishing I never opened up that can of worms that no one knew about
Being consistent like you wanted me to be
Holding you tightly
I didn’t want things to end now
Remembering how you looked and how it felt when I first saw you
Tongue-tied and reminding myself not to say anything stupid
Wishing I could have told you from the beginning and laid everything on the line
Maybe you would still be stuck around
Hearing the doorknob turning slowly
I begin opening my eyes and making it big like they are about to pop out
Waiting in anticipation to see you
I’m hit hard with your favorite fragrance
My legs couldn’t hold it back as I see your hand put your bags down
I begin jumping on top of you
With a big bunch of happy tears rolling down my face
I never lost faith that eventually the tided would turn and you would come back
Voiceless Commitment…
In my gazes
You are perfect
With no flaws or wasted takes
Everything that I’ve always dreamed about is completely wrapped up in you
Mysterious soul
At one point I thought it quite magical as well
Staring at the beautiful dark sky
Fingers crossed that I would see a shooting star
Eyes closed tightly waiting in anticipation to make a wish
But there’s nothing at all
Staring at you from the tall walls that have hidden me
My heart captured your exterior in every angle
And completely drawn to your interior
I feel like a puppet being pulled into your heart
It turned into a permanent tattoo in my soul
I never stopped thinking about you
Every single day I would patiently wait until I get to see you again
Staring at the stars
I replay the moment in my head of when I saw you
Breaking down every single thing about you in my microscopic mind
From the way you look
To the way you smile looks
How you walk
Thinking about you makes me feel warm inside
Making sure that I don’t miss anything at all
Staring at all of this information
I begin to feel scared that maybe you’re all in my head
Maybe you don’t exist
I should just pack up and forget about you
But it just doesn’t feel right
It doesn’t make sense to me
I found myself interacting with others
Trying hard to forget about you
Finding myself being physically present but not emotionally present
Each one capturing the mind and the heart
But no one captured the mind, the heart, and soul quite like you
Going through every fact and thought that is written on paper
Thinking that maybe I missed something
But there’s nothing at all
Standing at the window
Gazing at the outside world wishing so badly that I could see you
As I see a familiar walk and face from a distance
My legs begin racing down the stairs to the front door
Watching you approach my home slowly
My heart begins racing
Feeling butterflies dancing in my stomach and a smile created on my face
I know that this is it
Approaching you slowly and taking your hand to gently place it on my heart
I wish you could read my mind
Unraveling all the feelings that I suppressed for years waiting for you
I vowed to never stop loving you
The Ultimate Admirable Tale…
I always found myself gazing at you from a distance
Afraid you might not like what you see
On my knees, I begin to pray that I would get another opportunity to see if it’s real
Choosing to hide behind the walls that protect my heart
Seeing your infectious smile
Feeling like I’m standing on top of the highest building
Taking the biggest leap of faith
Falling for your beautiful soul
But maybe you are not real
Or maybe you’re a figure of my imagination
Staring at the ceiling
Remembering how beautiful you are
I thought that maybe I saw you in my dreams
Recalling your beautiful slightly pink lips
And it hit me hard like a punch in the stomach that you just walked past me
I stood still for a moment
Not taking into consideration that I’m going to shop
Turning around for a minute to see if you were still there
But you disappeared like you never existed
Passing by your house on my way home
I turned to the left to check a glimpse of you there
But there was no one outside
Feeling my heart crashing down to my pelvic area
I began hanging my head
As my heart was filled with so much disappointment
Needing a moment to myself
Staring at the beautiful night
I saw a beautiful bright light
It’s the moon
I start closing my eyes
Praying in my heart that I would see a shooting star
So I could wish for you
Small bits of your beautiful face start coming up
But it’s not clear enough for me to see
Everything is a blur right now
I would patiently count the days to my special day
Hearing them sing “Happy birthday to you!”
Eyes closed tightly
Blowing out each candle
All I wished for is seeing you
The tided turned
And the universe heard my silent prayers
Seeing your name appearing on the top banner of my cell phone screen
My heart started beating out of control
Feeling myself slowly losing my breath
My palms begin sweating out of control
Putting my phone down and stepping out of the room
I needed a moment to calm down
Taking deep slow breaths in and out
I eventually found the courage to reply back
Talking to you for a while
In my heart, I wish it could last forever
Realizing that we’re a vibe virtually
But I couldn’t help but wonder how it would feel up close
As I count the days that I finally get to see you
Playing around with different scenarios in my head
Recalling the day I walked to your house
Rehearsing the entire moment over and over again
When I saw you and that beautiful smile
I was left completely speechless
My mind went blank
And everything that I rehearsed in my head went straight out the window
Left completely mesmerized by your presence
I was left gasping for air
As you knocked me completely off my feet
You are more than anything I’ve ever dreamt about
Finding the missing piece to emptiness
My heart feels whole again
Turning off the negative thoughts in my head
Living in the moment
This moment right here with you
Staring into your beautiful eyes
Beautiful eyes hypnotizing me
I’m so lost but lost in a good way
Wanting nothing more but kiss you
Pulling my face towards you
The warmth of your breath begins hitting the back of my throat
Both our eyes closed tightly
Pulling my body close to you covering the space between our bodies
Taking your hands-on sightseeing trip around my body
I wanted nothing more but to live in your heart
If forever existed I would rather spend it with you by my side
On The Line…
I wish I could suppress my emotions
Wear this mask
And shield my heart from shattering
I’ve wanted you for the longest time
And waited for the day where you and I would meet
Watching the sands move through the hourglass
I patiently waited for the stars to align
And the galaxy to open up
Gazing at you for a while
Admiring the individual that you are
It hits me that I’m an honest soul,
Maybe too honest for that matter
But I can’t help it
With everyone else, I can wait for my turn
However, I couldn’t do that with you
For the first time, I feel safe, loved, and wanted
Maybe it’s not continuous and consistent
But every single moment felt like a permanent tattoo
Recollecting every single moment like it was yesterday
And the memories became quite distinct
Like a shooting star
Your heart became my safe place
A spot where I can feel free
For the first time, I can let my shield down to trust you fully
Be completely comfortable with being unarmed
Presumably, in your gazes, I’m temporary fix
Like chewing gum, I’m supposed to last until the flavor runs out
I’m probably not supposed to be here,
But I can’t help how I feel
Choosing to remove the mask
And let my guard down
I allowed myself to be unarmed
Completely vulnerable
And go in without my shield of protection
Sharing parts of me that no one else knows about
It became my indication to tell you that I trust you
Trust you enough to realize to be completely honest
Risk it all by standing on the tallest skyscraper
Laying it all down to silent my doubts
Awaken a dream I thought I forgot all about
Thinking back to the promise I made to myself and my heart
Appealing with myself that one day I would find the bravery to unfold everything that I held from you
As you stand right in front of me
Glancing at every single part of you
Constantly been left speechless whenever I observe you
Everything about you seems so glorious
In my eyes, you’re a masterpiece
Setting every single flaw on the surface
Thinking that maybe I would walk away from you and never look back
Instead, I just stood there and looked at you
And authorized cupid’s arrow to fill my heart with this unexplained devotion
Battling to resist plummeting into the illegal deep
I forfeited the battle and allowed myself to plunge into the sea
Unapologetic Development…
I wish you could see me in a different lantern
A diverse viewpoint
Recognize the alteration in me
Maybe you would understand me a little better
The lengthiest voyage on self-love and replenishment to the soul
I never thought I’d feel emptied and unloved
Alone in a room filled with darkness
Thinking back to where it all started
Being brought into the world just to be seen as odd
Just to feel completely uncertain about the exterior
It might not be that appealing to the world
Advising me to be hidden from society
Picturing an hourglass in my mind
Seeing the sands moving through the hourglass
I realize that time isn’t on my side
And I can’t hide perpetually
Vacating my solace territory to see the realm
Anxious and scared that I might not fit in
I wore a mask shielding my fears and doubts about myself
Not realizing that I’m dying slowly and silently
Going through something that I struggled to establish into words
Plastering a big smile on my face
I found comfort in hiding behind the cloak
Fearing that removing the mask would make me seem weak
And being weak renders as being defenseless
Choosing to suppress my feelings
I continue shielding myself from the world
Eyes closed tightly
I picture the woman who I’d like to be
Recognizing everything that I crave for
Is within a reach of a hand
Like a vision board
I see it all coming concurrently
Gashes swiveling down my exterior
Smashing me hard behind the head
I admit that maybe you wouldn’t see what I see
They say don’t judge a book by its cover
You’re not aware of where it all started
Foremost if you knew then maybe you would comprehend why things are the way they are
It would all make sense why I establish everything on the table for you to understand
Glaring at the beautiful night
I scoured for the shooting star
Fingers crossed over hoping that maybe one day you would understand why everything is out in the open for you
The Me Behind The Blank Pages
I feel like I mean nothing
Like my opinions have no value
My heart is empty
I found myself blending in with the walls
Constantly observing how I feel
No one took me into consideration
Or got to know me
I wish someone could recognize my skill
And give me a chance to shine
As much as I whine about how I feel
But I knew that I couldn’t escape from all of this pain
As the load becomes heavier with each emotion
I can’t help but wonder if I will ever be go enough
Finally deciding to take a chance
To do the right thing
And look out for me
I chose the pen and the paper
The type writer
A bunch of empty pages
I wish I had a support system that cared
Instead I saw the storm on the horizon approaching
Feeling the droplets of rain on my skin
I went through it by myself
Crying out for someone to rescue me
It felt like I give up on my happiness
I want to write
Write like there’s no tomorrow
Live in world where my vision and my heart prevails
I’m surrounded by negativity
And unfavorable emotions
Harsh hearts turn even more harsher than before
The phrases seem to hurt more than the stabs
Plopping my head down on a drenched damp cushion
Drowning in this dark space
I am shattered to the foundation
Imperfect Soul…
I wish I had more than just a few hours with you
Yearning to spend time with you
Staring into your beautiful eyes
Gazing into the beautiful strong windows of your soul
I found my peaceful place
Wishing I could read your thoughts
Wondering what you think of me uncovered
Feeling your hands travel around my beautiful body
A firebomb on my skin
Eyes closed tightly
Traveling to another place where only you and I exist
Feeling like I’m hitting a punching bag
Fighting through these strong confinement walls that you’ve built around your heart to protect you
Tears roll down my face
Wishing I could be just enough for you
Always placed you on the pedestal
Thinking that you are the most popular man in the world
With an important reputation
I fear being seen in public with you
Worried that people might not approve of the fact that you are seen with me
Big Crossed Eyed and a stomach filled with scars
I feel his hands touching each scar gently
Heart-melting slowly into a million little pieces
I feel like I am losing this battle
Trying, by all means, to shield my heart from falling for you
But it’s too late
A crooked smile has fallen for the strong man with a crown
His majesty
Royalty
A rare work of art in the distance
But amazing sportsmen and artists in front of the world
Being truly honest about everything in your life
I feel like I am turned on even more
Thinking what would it be like to have and to hold you
Laying it all on the ground
Thinking if you knew about the loud thoughts in my head
Maybe you might walk away
And not look this way again
I feel like a barbie doll being judged on her flaws
Expected to be this perfect soul
But some odd reason, with you I feel like I am free
Like for once whatever I have to say matters
Watching myself grow into the beautiful strong fierce writer, poet, and young woman that I’ve always wanted to be
I hate seeing you frown
When your smile is truly one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen in the world
A shooting star in my eyes
Taking my time to enjoy every single moment that happens between us
Handing you a box of honesty
Laying every single intention out there
You’re the only one that has my attention
Holding every single moment close to my heart
The mind replay all of them like a song on repeat
I wish I could press mute for a few minutes
Trying by all means to clear my mind
But you’re all I want to see and feel
Wrapping your beautiful arms around me
Feeling your warm breath in my ear
Creating your special place in my heart
You mean a lot to me that I am not ready to lose you
Giving me all the good feelings
I just want you more than you’ll ever comprehend
A Heart That Never Stopped Waiting For You…
There are things that I wish I could tell you
But I do not think you would understand
Staring at the beautiful night
Wishing that you could be in my shoes
For a while
Look at things from my eyes
Maybe you would understand why I never left the boxing ring
Why I stopped fighting
Even though there’s nothing much to fight for
Sitting in the room that was once filled with so much happiness, love and kindness
But it has turned into a cold empty space
Staring at the hourglass that you left on the table the day you moved into my heart
But there’s no sand on the upper bulb
Feeling a huge knock on the center of my chest
It hits me hard that the glassed heart is completely empty
Fingers crossed tightly, I patiently waited for you to walk through the door
The sun going down slowly
And it started getting really dark
Thoughts in my head started getting louder
Trying by all means to avoid thinking the worst
Eyes closed tightly
Searching for my happy place where I hid the good memories
Giving my head this instant rush
Picturing that beautiful smile on your face that left me completely mesmerized
Hearing your beautiful voice that gave me instant chivers down my spine
I wanted nothing more but to make you happy
Feeling a painful cut in my heart
Wishing I never opened up that can of worms that no one knew about
Being consistent like you wanted me to be
Holding you tightly
I didn’t want things to end now
Remembering how you looked and how it felt when I first saw you
Tongue tied and reminding myself not to say anything stupid
Wishing I could have told you from the beginning and laid everything on the line
Maybe you would still sticked around
Hearing the doorknob turning slowly
I begin opening my eyes and making it big like they about to pop out
Waiting in anticipation to see you
I’m hit hard with your favorite fragrance
My legs couldn’t hold it back as I see your hand put your bags down
I begin jumping on top of you
With a big bunch of happy tears rolling down my face
I never lost faith that eventually the tided would turn and you would come back
To Hold But Not To Keep…
She’s my distant dream
But she has never been mine to keep
A beautiful girl that lives in my dreams
Speaking to my soul in a way that no one could ever understand
Her flaws are something that she hates
But in my eyes she’s perfect
Hiding behind the steel walls protecting her heart
Yearning to see the beauty within her brokeness
Wishing that she would just let go
And let me in
Spending every single waking minute thinking about her
Her name became my favorite word
Every time that she’s in front of me
I genuinely feel like she is only one who knows me better than I know myself
Constantly being in the ring
Getting beaten up by the past
I found myself Knockout
But my heart is screaming her name
I find myself thinking about my unspoken dreams that include her
Taking a journey on self care
She is my last wish
Longing to handle her with so much care
My heart chooses her now and always
Making my intentions clear from day one
Finding myself on the court
Aiming for the net
I found myself reaching out to shoot my shot
But the ball never went through
Taking things completely slowly
Giving her time to love me
Revealing my imperfections
I want her to see that I wasn’t aiming for exterior
But I fell in love with the interior
A strong person in front of her
But I know that within the four walls my thoughts are really loud
My mind rewinds to the time that I spent with her
When she was in my arms
Hearing her laugh at my silliness
Feeling her hand enclosed over mine
I wanted this to last for a lifetime
Finding comfort in the memories and the moments we shared together
She’s been distant for a few days
A moment of putting my heart on the line
I watched her walk away in the arms of her dreams
It ripped me apart
The tide has turned
And I felt like the universe read my darkest fears
And brought it to life
Unexpectedly the cycle continues once again
Questioning myself
I found myself drowning in the bottle of sorrows
She turned into a quiet soul
I needed her
But it hit me hard that she’s mine only in my dreams
Final Goodbye
I begin to think about everything that happened between us
My mind replays all the memories like a movie
Each moment had its own scenery
All the good times and the bad times with all the main characters and extras
Everything seems like a dream, it didn’t feel real
As I see you standing there in a classic black suit with a black tie and a big white smile on your face to complete the look
I sit there on a white chair
Surrounded by all their friends and family
The air filled with love and happiness
They’re big day finally arrived!
As the two little girls walk down the isle throwing rose pedals on the floor
And the two little boys dressed up looking like mini grooms
Carrying the rings on a pillow
Tears begin to roll down my face
As my heart came crashing down into my stomach like a crashing plane
People begin to standing on their feet
I turned my head and saw the beautiful lady the stole your heart
The lady that took my place in your heart
Facebeat on point and a dress that illustrates her beautiful figure with a beautiful smile on her face
Looking beautiful and gorgeous as ever
Walking down the aisle with her dad by her side to say her vows to you and the rest of y’all friends and family
I sit there with high hopes that you’ll look up and see me
And the love that shared will come back like unexpected rain
But it seems like I got my hopes up for nothing
As the priest says “You may kiss the bride”
And I watch you lift her veil
My heart just seems crash even further causing excruciating pain
Turning my head to the side
Seeing the big smile on your mother’s face
The smile on your face becomes confirmation that what we had doesn’t exist anymore
Closing the chapter of this part of my life, I try to come to terms with everything that happened
But I couldn’t do it
Taking the pain of seeing you with another woman that isn’t me make you happy
Rewinding to my last words to you
“I hope you find better happiness than what I could give you”
I feel like a knife is being inserted into my heart
As my last words to you knock my heart out like a light
I then decide to walk away
You look up
Hoping to see me
Seeking that validation that we’re okay
But all you saw is an empty white chair with no one there
No long message left for you
But a sad and painful farewell
