The Forgotten Child…

“YOU ARE STUPID”
“YOU ARE USELESS”
“YOUR DREAMS ARE NOTHING MORE THAN A DREAM”
These were comments that became my life

Whenever I attempted to do something
All I think is maybe I’m not cut out for this
I reached a point in my life where as I attempted to do something
I back down because I am too scared to get my hopes up for nothing

As I sit here
In a place filled with darkness
I realised that nothing I ever do would good enough to make them proud.
My efforts would be a waste of time

Cutting the umbilical cord that held us together
I realised that I am alone
In the cold

Using someone else identity
I realised that I am nothing but slave
My name seems to come when you need something

With my mistakes plastered for all to see
The words thank you and please were never common thing when it came to my needs…

Tomorrow is suppose to be an important day
But I feel like disappearing completely
Because my life in your eyes is a waste of sprem and ovaries
That I just wanted it to stop and stop for a lifetime

Life would great because nothing went to waste
And I would better off as decomposed soul…
This would be what I leave u with…

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Untitled Poem

I thought I could do it
I thought that I could be strong person without you
And move on
Just like you did
Block all my feelings for you
Tell myself that whenever I think about you it’s because I am lonely
Learn to love someone else
And hope for forever with this person
I thought that I could smile again
And this time actually mean it
I thought that I could get to experience happy tears
With butterflies and goosebumps all at once
I thought that I could stare into those eyes
And I could see the soul
I thought that I could fall in love with him completely
And would not wish that it was you
I thought that I could get excited about Manchester City win over Manchester United and I would get an opportunity to tell you about it
I wish that you would just call already and say something that make everything ok between us
I thought that maybe you would show up already and tell me in person that the feelings I thought were dead are still there
And some odd reason I’m not the only one who feels that way
I thought that I could forget that you even existed in my world
That your name was ever tattooed on my heart
I thought that I could forget about the memories that we shared
And forget that kiss wasn’t something that we both wanted
Or how much we wanted the relationship between us to work out
I thought that I could forget that you ever my muse and my inspiration behind the most beautiful poems
I thought that I could forget about how u told me to go after the dreams that dream with my heart and not with my mind
I thought that I could forget about how I loved u more than I loved anyone and if it will ever feel the same way
I thought that I could forget about how it felt when you rejected me and left like this between us never meant anything
I thought that I could forget that it doesn’t matter how many times I say I’m sorry
I would never get my best friend
My inspiration
My Muse
My favourite soccer buddy
My love
And my heart of hearts to forgive me

It would never be the same again

UNTITLED POEM

If I count the number of times that I was let down by people I trust
It equal to number of scars on my soul
And the tears that roll down my face that turned to mould

Within the four walls
I am broken person
With so much pain

I am surrounded by stains
Like fossils
They turned in dead remains

I felt my mind going insane

Dying slowly
I don’t if I can bite my tongue anymore

I wish that my best friend was around
But he turned to a stranger
And I disappointed him

The four walls didn’t feel like home
It felt strange place…
A place unknown to my soul

I stepped out into the world
Looking for my safety net
But I couldn’t find it

Tears roll down my face
I realised that I’m attached to a soul
A special soul…

I wanted him
I needed him so badly
That I broke down even more

Eyes turned red
My body is shaking
I know that I’m cold…

As I stand on the tallest building
Staring at the crowd that I attracted

I saw you
Gazing at me…
Tears roll down my face again

Cause it seemed like you knew that I wanted you

I apologise to you in front of the world
Made myself a fool
But it was worth it…

As you helled my name
I smiled with tear rolling down like stones down a mountain
And said that you forgave me…

Guardian Angel Up Above

I sit in room
My mind seems to jet away
And my heart torn into a zillion little pieces

I begin to think of you
Tears roll down my face
And the pain just doesn’t want to go away

I see your dashing face from a far
My arms reaching out to feel it
But all I feel is the air

I hear your deep voice in my mind
As I call your name out
But all I hear is silence

Life without you
Just became hard and miserable

I question God in my heart
And asked him why didn’t he take me instead of you?
But no responses

I look around me
And I see all the people who still love me,are serious about succeeding
And appreciate all the little moments with me

I know that it is you
Looking down on me

I begin to miss you everyday
And wish there was a stair-way up to heaven so that I could see you again
But all it ever became
And always will be a dream

As I try to make peace with it
It just became harder to accept

I close my eyes
And I see your body laying there
I call your name out loud
But you do not respond

I begin to touch your body
Hoping that you’ll eventually respond
But all you do is lay there
Eyes closed tight

Tears roll down my face
As I cry louder
I just begin soft voice
Saying it will be okay,don’t cry
I’m in a better place

As you wipe my tears
I stop crying
And the pain of losing you feels a little better

I see a light shining brightly
As I look up into the sky
A star seems to be bright than all the others

Life becomes hard for me
As I begin to wish that I took your place

I think of you
And I know you are okay
My guardian angel up above

Fragile Heart

Lonely days
I spend every second missing you
Trying to convince myself that we will be okay,just fine
My broken heart couldn’t be glued back together again

I stare at my phone
Hoping to get a message from you
But the truth hits me hard
We need time apart
But it is only way things are going to workout

You are everything that I wanted
And all that I ever needed
But now I’m on the verge of losing you
I feel like I’m edge of the world about to throw my life away

The feelings grow stronger by the day
Found myself falling for you everyday
Old wounds began to heal
And fade away

Your love felt like medication to my wounds
Leaving no scars behind
And my skin looking soft like a baby skin

Your name is like a permanent tattoo
Written on my heart
Removing it would be painful
And my soul would never be the same again

THE TRUTH ABOUT REALITY THAT IS HARD TO ACCEPT

I’ve lived in my world

Everything seemed perfect

No flaws

Or Mistakes were seen with a naked eye

Just a bunch of regrets

My eyes are on fire

And my heart shattered in pieces

I realized that there’s no stitches

Just bunch of unnecessary wasted takes

With the camera on

Everyone saw what I wanted them to see

But truth be told…

I was a stupid writer,wrong producer

And directing them into what I wanted them to see

But it was all a lie

The reality is there are good people in this world

With good intentions

I’ve allowed people’s opinions to cloud my judgment

And in the end doors were closed in my face

I realized that I was back in a bad space.

As I feared the truth

I realized I was living a lie.

Sorry would never be enough to tell the world how bad I feel

I wish I could turn back time

And fix it

But I have no choice and jump from the tallest building screaming how sorry I am…

Stranger In My Eyes

I see you in the distance
Tried to hide away
You stare into my eyes
And walked pass
As you walk with a beautiful lady by your side
I knew that she was love of your life
No words were said
I smile at you
But all you gave me was a serious look
I tried to say “Hello”
But all she did was give me a dirty look
As I hear you laughing with her
I turned around to see if you were looking at me
But all I could see was her asking you what were you thinking?
And your responses ripped my heart apart
As you denied the fact that I was ever yours
Tears begin to roll down my face
You turned around to check if I heard anything you said
And I was gone
You were a stranger that torn my heart apart

THE RIPPLE EFFECT OF LOSING MY SOUL

I am alone

Feeling like this makes me think of a bone

My heart is turned into a stone

My feelings are so numb

That I feel like a thumb

With no sense of emotion

I am unable to feel

That I am turned into steel

My skin has become an artificial material

And my soul has turned into iron

I’ve got no sense of compassion

I am not the same person anymore

Things have changed

That I don’t want to give anyone a chance

Because I’m scared of losing myself

In this world I feel so alone

With this object in my hand

I don’t have the energy to stand

Surrounded by cuts

I never thought my scars would come out in the light

But no one could stand the sight

I have become so disgusting

Everyone who made the mess left me with nothing

But broken pieces

The doctors tried to give me stitches

But I wanted my wounds to be open

So I could feel the pain

I wanted it to feel like a permenant stain

I deserve it

Like an winning streak

Mines had to come to an end…

And in the end I lost you

Like we used to be….

Could I turn back the hands of time
And hopefully this won’t be bitter like lime
I would give up a dime

I am a messed up soul
That I think I have turned so cold
Hoping you would be the one who molds me
Into a better person

Walking with my entire heart on my sleeve

Hoping that you would be the one to catch me
But I found myself latching onto someone
Who doesn’t know my flaws

I begin to count the number of times I messed up
Waiting for you to walk out
And leave me just like it’s always been

As I stare at your reflection
I realized that you were perfection
But you didn’t get any satisfaction

Being with me felt like a burden

I messaged you
But you ignore what I am trying to say
I wrapped my arms around you
But you pushed me away

As I found myself falling from the back
I realized that I lacked
Tears roll down my face

As I look up into your eyes
But your expression shows that you were disgusted by my appearance

I felt like disappearing
That if this was a crime the world would write that I am appearing in court

Like with my hands
In the sands
I feel like creeping into a shell and never coming back

S.M.A

A few months later
The tears are still the same
But they say it is lame

An empty soul
That’s all I have been feeling
As I watched you drive away

With all the color and love
Like a dove
You flew away

Left me with nothing
But broken pieces

The world dictate what I should be doing
But no one understand stood what I felt
At that moment in time

I lost apart of me
My best friend
My motivation
My favorite soccer player
My inspiration
My heart

They told me to let you go
But I just couldn’t picture my life without you

I saw my flaws in bold
I knew that maybe I wasn’t gold

Looking at the time
I wish I could turn it all back
Staring at my reflection I saw a heart of gold
But I know that you couldn’t see it

Paparazzi and Autographs
I watched everyone take piece of what was mine…
Till there was nothing left for me

My eyes hidden from the face of the world
You couldn’t see through them anymore

I found myself feeling like a box
That when you left
I felt like I lost my purpose

Kicked around
I wish you never opened me

Maybe we would still be close friends
And our conversations would be better
You would still have your cheerleader
Cheering you on

Having long conversations on facebook
Oh,how I miss those moments
Those speechless moments
The unexpected proposal
And imagery wedding

No one understood what we felt for each when we met
I felt the walls of insecurity coming off
Laughing with you
I thought I finally found happiness
Living my version of happy ending was complete

I stare at the mirror of truth
It showed me how I allowed them dictate what we should have been
How we should have loved each other
When you walked out on me

They disappeared into the dark
That they opinions left a permanent mark

I wish that I broke free

I found myself falling for you
That trust became my enemy
A beautiful love story ruined…

And it’s because of me

I became a unexpected storm
Ruining everything that meant so much to me
But as I found myself messing everything up

And caused you to love me from a distant

I found myself crawling into a dark place
That I pushed you away
But I ended up fighting for you

I wish that my personal issues
Weren’t a problem for you

A love that meant so much
I hope that you would fight for me
But instead you walked away