Phenomenal Incredible Woman…

You’re a beautiful woman
Not because of your physical appearance
But because of the beauty that shines within you
They may rate you a 5
But in my eyes you are a 20
I love the way you still find a way to rise from the all the bad situations that have broken your spirit
Your smile is one of the most beautiful things that God has ever created
It’s beautiful how you remain strong even when you are going through a lot of bad things
You are not afraid to love again
To love hard is one of the most amazing things about you
Even if it means loving hard
I love how you never seem to give up
No matter the odds that seem to be against you
In a male dominated industry
You still find a way to rise
And show that you are just as equal as man
Deserve the same benefits as a man
I love that you are not afraid to go down on your knees
And pray to God for everything that your heart desires
To ask him to provide you with the strength to carry on
Even when it’s difficult to at times
I love how you always nice
Even when people disrespect you
Or disregard your feelings
I love how you able to conceive
Carry your beautiful gift from God for 9 months
And bring it into the world despite the pain you have experienced throughout your journey
Then you go out into the world looking a fire bomb
The way your motherly instincts just kick in when these beautiful little souls are not in front of you
You protect them from harms way
Ensuring that they never get hurt
Remember that you are incredible
Strong and Beautiful all day every day
You are rare
And there is no one else that will ever be as gorgeous as you
Shine queen
Take your place on the throne
And shine

The Wrong I Need To Make Right 😔

I wish I could hold you already
The figure of my imagination
Coming into reality
It hurts seeing you walk away
Knowing that I could just run into your arms
But fear stood in my way
It’s weird how my heart yearns for you
My entire body calls your name
For some reason I felt something that I’ve always wanted to feel
My hands feel empty
And cold
Staring at your picture
Tears rolling down my face
I wish I wasn’t so cautious about this pandemic
But I am
My deepest fear is losing you
I don’t think I will ever be able to get through this without you
Maybe I went into this head first
But I’ve always had something for you
Just really scared to act on it
Knowing that you are the guy on a pedestal
You spoke volumes to my heart
Volumes that no one could
I can’t take this feeling of letting you down any more
It hurts me more than it hurts you
I think that’s the reason why you don’t trust easily
As much as u say we are okay
I know that you probably don’t trust me
Letting you down
I know I broke your heart
Almost is never enough
And something is got to give to make things right
I need to find the courage to speak out
To make things right
But where do I start??
Maybe I need to go back to where it all started for you and I
Find the courage to make things right
If this is my last day on earth
Then I would rather spend every single minute with you

The Truth That No One Knows About

I wish she knew the unspoken truth
Maybe she would understand my decisions
Choosing to me first
That I could not stay in the space
And allow myself to be treated like a dumb soul
I need time to process everything
Accept the things I could no longer change
As much as I always found myself in ring dealing with different faces of betrayal
It’s shocking that I still have the heart to be nice
And the strength to keep a smile on face
I was dealing with a lot of things
Realizing that maybe I’m not good enough to make them proud
I’m a human being after all
But don’t think she ever got it
She saw the way they tore me down
But she never said anything
She brushed it off
And chose to look the way
They never had my back
Either way I was still treated like an empty sack
With my back against wall
I couldn’t defend myself against them
So I took the punches
And became a loser in their eyes
I found myself feeling lost
And lonely
Misusing things that were never meant to be played with
But instead I got played back
Carrying those scars with me every day
Thinking that maybe they were right
But no one could see it
My eyes were like glass
At any point in time I can just break down
And let it all out
Maybe by the time you notice it will too late

Validation I stopped seeking for…

My deepest fear is that you see me as a failure
You won’t see me as great
Choosing my dreams over you
I know maybe I haven’t done things your way
But you never gave that safety net to speak up
There were moments where you thought I was stupid
And truth be told I actually believe it
Felt like I was never enough for anyone
I was in dark place at one point
And all I thought about was suicide
Writing so many sucidal notes
Losing so much weight
I found myself having eating disorders
A disorder that had lasting effects on my body
I never had the strength to believe in myself
Thinking that maybe you would notice
And you would give me a couple of words of encouragement
But I got nothing
I thought maybe I wasn’t yours for a second
Cause of the the way things were
Someone once said that I should never apologize for being who I am
But I can’t apologize for choosing who I am
And who I always wanted to be
I tried my best to make you happy
But I found myself hitting my head against a wall
I felt worthless
And hopeless
Thinking that things would change
But it never did
I thought you would take notice
But you just looked the other way like nothing is wrong
I found my peace
My sanity
But to you it turned out to be a waste of time
I thought I could run away from my calling by living your dream
Thinking that maybe you would tell me that you are proud of me
But there was nothing
I was still unhappy
Lacked fulfillment in my life
I was constantly confused
Feeling myself stepping into a place of suicide
But I started writing about how I feel
And I felt at ease
Like I found myself again
Making peace with the fact that I will be enough in your eyes

Unexpected Hope That It Will Be Okay Again

I know that I ruined it
Messed up big time
And there’s no way to come back from this
I’m sorry are just a bunch of empty words with no actions attached to it
Teaching myself how to become be unattached right now
But truth be told it’s more hard to forget about the memories that were caught on tape in my mind
While we still had another bunch of memories to share with each other
But the invisible wall stood in my way
I feared one of us might get infected
Needing that both of us are kept safe until the invisible wall disappears for good
I want to jump in your arms again
But I can’t do it for now
The numbers are increasing
And I don’t either of us to be part of that growing number
I don’t think I’m ready to lose you
At least not yet please
Wishing that you would understand where I am coming from
I long to hear your voice
And to get completely lost in your eyes
You may think that I don’t want to be with you
But I do want to be with you
See you up close and personal
Telling you everything that I’ve left for this moment
To see the reaction of each and every beautiful word
Coming from a beautiful place in my heart
Maybe I might not always tell you that
But it’s true
I want to tell you everything that I’m feeling up close
To see the smile on your face
I think about you a lot more than you’ll ever know
You’ve found a special place in my heart
And constantly speak volumes to my soul
I want to take that leap of faith and jump
Hoping that you will catch me on the other side

Emotions That You Never Expected

I’m not okay emotionally and mentally
Constantly disappointing you
Let you down
I don’t feel like I am good enough for you
Acting strong like this invisible wall doesn’t get to me
Maybe I deserve your silence
Clearly I’ve let you down one to many times
And believe me when I say that it hurts
Knowing that you are not okay
That we’re not okay
Ruining a good friendship before it got to its peak
My heart is shattered realizing that not even I’m sorry or a bunch of red roses will work to fix things
I just want to crawl into a hole
And never come out to see the light of day
Tears rolling down my face
As I begin weeping
Realizing that this hurts more than I thought it would
You broke my walls
And got to the core of my soul
I hate hurting you
Disappointing you
That I find myself ripping myself apart from within
Realizing that my deepest fear is losing you
I don’t want to get attached to you
Knowing that it’s probably too soon
But I find myself falling head first into your ocean that is forbidden
Invisible wall please disappear
I feel your patience running out
Although you may not want admit it
I know that you want to be with me
Just as much as I want to be with you
But I just want to protect you just as much as u protect me
My Version Of Mr Perfect 🌚

Mysterious Work Of Art

Black hair
Thick black eyebrows
Sweet perfect colored lips
Golden Brown Skin representing all the beauty that is within
Flawless facial hair that connects from North to South
A perfect artwork that I studied in the distance for a while
Rewinding to the day I first laid eyes on you
I always thought that you were a figure of my imagination
Searching for you on social media
I stumbled upon this familiar picture
And that smile stood out to me
The mystery man of my dreams
But I felt like I wasn’t good enough to seen in the same room with you
I needed time to clear my head
To build myself up again
Catching me off guard
You said Hi first
And the moment that I was dreaming about finally came true
For a moment I thought I was dreaming
I need someone to pinch me back to reality
The guy that I put on a pedestal is talking to me
I called you handsome on the first day
Never looked back
Getting to know you better
I’m mesmerized by the way you happen this incredibly talented guy
Feeling drawn to your personality, your soul
2020 is leap year
February gave me an extra day
The handsome hunk over the phone stood right in front of me
My images, suggestions turned out to be more than everything I ever dreamt about
I couldn’t find the answers to your questions
Still mesmerized the fact that you are real deal
Feeling like kid in candy store
My entire body is filled with excitement
You have your beautiful strong arms wrapped around me
I’m tempted to react
But truth be told I’m scared of something that might not even be there
My mind begins overthinking
You looked so good
There’s no doubt that you could be single
We have had the most amazing moments of our lives
I want it to be real in your presence
So I hold you and dream about it
Kiss you all over your handsome face just to see your reaction
Give you all the encouragement and reassurance that your heart deserves
The way I believe in you I just want it to be enough
Mr Incredible
You don’t need a cape to be seen as a superhero
My superhero
Knowing that you can’t give me what my heart longs for
But I can fill you up with love, encouragement and happiness
Arguing with you is normal they say
But I know that I am not ready to lose what has always been real to me
Watching you walk away from me
I feel like you left with a piece of me
A rare bright light
Feeling it reflected on my soul
I realized my soul is naked
But the mystery kept me curious that I keep wanting more
You changed my perspective
And words cannot explain how I free I feel at this point in time
With the wind blowing through my hair
I’m inspired by you

Unexpected Knockout🥊

In my heart I know I ruined things between us
And this thing between us is no longer the same
I would take the blame
Cause maybe it is my fault
The thing is that I like you a lot
But I’m not sure if you would feel the same way
I’ve avoided seeing
Feeling like I would make a fool of myself
Putting myself out there
Just to be tossed in the out like there was nothing there
Apart wants to say it
But fingers would not allow me to
I yearn to have a moment with you in person
Just like you yearn to see me
But I just can’t show up
And ruin your moment with people mean a lot to you
I wish you could meet me halfway
And maybe the cravings would disappear for a while
To look into your eyes once again
And feel all those unspoken feelings that I felt when I first saw you
I think I would be wrong if I say being with you has been simply amazing
Truth be told
In my eyes you were different
A whole lot of amazing and out of this world
I really enjoyed the time that I spent talking to you
Exposing you to all my flaws
I don’t think things will be the same way
I’ve fallen in love
And this time it was beyond my control
Maybe I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up
Should have made room for disappointment
Then it would not hurt so much
Staring at the empty space
My mind goes on a trip through space hoping to find my faults
But comes back with nothing but emptiness and coldness
I don’t want to allow myself to feel something for you
But I think it’s too late
I wanted an opportunity to be seen as someone different than just an object
To unravel the unspoken truth
But at this point in time I feel like I am at a cross road
Choosing between what my mind and my heart wants
I can’t seem to make a decision because I would still love you either way
Coin tossed in the air
It may on either side
Question is which way is the right way…
Turning left
But there was no one there
Turning right
But there was no one there either
Feeling the light being covered up
I look up to see beautiful eyes
Eyes that look so familiar that feel so right
My heart was knocked out of its socks

Small Spaces…

This journey liberating
But lonely at the same time
Everybody expecting me to be happy
But truth be told there’s more to life than being yes man type of girl
And deep inside I was dying to come out of my forbidden closet
Feeling like I was stripped of my happiness
My Sanity
The glassed heart became completely empty
My mind is constantly consumed by negative thoughts
As I listen to all these unspoken comments come to life
I try by all means to find my voice
But I’m silenced cause my opinion doesn’t count
Watching the eyes that stare at me
I feel like I can read their thoughts
Wishing I could hide for a lifetime since all they see is an empty skull
Bottled up tears are released
As I found myself surrounded by scars and bruises that never healed
This space is starting to feel small
I feel claustrophobic
My emotions are overwhelming me
I’m at my breaking point
With a coin flipped in the air
Heads or Tails
This entire thing could go either way
I want to be alone
I need time to catch up with my thoughts
But the room is not working for me
Watching my skin turn black
I realized that I’m in need of oxygen
Surrounded by a lot of people at the same time
I feel exhausted by every single moment that I spend in this small place
Feeling like I’m at the end of my life story
Invisible wall please disappear
So I could breathe again

The Me Behind the Mask Within the Four Walls

I feel like I mean nothing
Like my opinions have no value
My heart is empty
I found myself blending in with the walls
Constantly observing how I feel
No one took me into consideration
Or got to know me
I wish someone could recognize my skill
And give me a chance to shine
As much as I whine about how I feel
But I knew that I couldn’t escape from all of this pain
As the load becomes heavier with each emotion
I can’t help but wonder if I will ever be go enough
Finally deciding to take a chance
To do the right thing
And look out for me
I chose the pen and the paper
The type writer
A bunch of empty pages
I wish I had a support system that cared
Instead I saw the storm on the horizon approaching
Feeling the droplets of rain on my skin
I went through it by myself
Crying out for someone to rescue me
It felt like I give up on my happiness
I want to write
Write like there’s no tomorrow
Live in world where my imagination and my heart exists
I’m surrounded by negativity
And negative thoughts
Cold hearts turn even more colder than before
The words seem to hurt more than the punches
Laying my head down on a soaking wet pillow
Drowning in this dark space
I am broken to the core