Like we used to be….

Could I turn back the hands of time
And hopefully this won’t be bitter like lime
I would give up a dime

I am a messed up soul
That I think I have turned so cold
Hoping you would be the one who molds me
Into a better person

Walking with my entire heart on my sleeve

Hoping that you would be the one to catch me
But I found myself latching onto someone
Who doesn’t know my flaws

I begin to count the number of times I messed up
Waiting for you to walk out
And leave me just like it’s always been

As I stare at your reflection
I realized that you were perfection
But you didn’t get any satisfaction

Being with me felt like a burden

I messaged you
But you ignore what I am trying to say
I wrapped my arms around you
But you pushed me away

As I found myself falling from the back
I realized that I lacked
Tears roll down my face

As I look up into your eyes
But your expression shows that you were disgusted by my appearance

I felt like disappearing
That if this was a crime the world would write that I am appearing in court

Like with my hands
In the sands
I feel like creeping into a shell and never coming back

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S.M.A

A few months later
The tears are still the same
But they say it is lame

An empty soul
That’s all I have been feeling
As I watched you drive away

With all the color and love
Like a dove
You flew away

Left me with nothing
But broken pieces

The world dictate what I should be doing
But no one understand stood what I felt
At that moment in time

I lost apart of me
My best friend
My motivation
My favorite soccer player
My inspiration
My heart

They told me to let you go
But I just couldn’t picture my life without you

I saw my flaws in bold
I knew that maybe I wasn’t gold

Looking at the time
I wish I could turn it all back
Staring at my reflection I saw a heart of gold
But I know that you couldn’t see it

Paparazzi and Autographs
I watched everyone take piece of what was mine…
Till there was nothing left for me

My eyes hidden from the face of the world
You couldn’t see through them anymore

I found myself feeling like a box
That when you left
I felt like I lost my purpose

Kicked around
I wish you never opened me

Maybe we would still be close friends
And our conversations would be better
You would still have your cheerleader
Cheering you on

Having long conversations on facebook
Oh,how I miss those moments
Those speechless moments
The unexpected proposal
And imagery wedding

No one understood what we felt for each when we met
I felt the walls of insecurity coming off
Laughing with you
I thought I finally found happiness
Living my version of happy ending was complete

I stare at the mirror of truth
It showed me how I allowed them dictate what we should have been
How we should have loved each other
When you walked out on me

They disappeared into the dark
That they opinions left a permanent mark

I wish that I broke free

I found myself falling for you
That trust became my enemy
A beautiful love story ruined…

And it’s because of me

I became a unexpected storm
Ruining everything that meant so much to me
But as I found myself messing everything up

And caused you to love me from a distant

I found myself crawling into a dark place
That I pushed you away
But I ended up fighting for you

I wish that my personal issues
Weren’t a problem for you

A love that meant so much
I hope that you would fight for me
But instead you walked away

THE DARK DEJECTED SOUL

I’ve done it again
The unexpected storm
But this time it blew you away

As I found myself outside
In the cold
With no one to hold

I realized that by my side is nothing but emptiness
Surrounded by the white snow
I tried to look for the bow that would unlock my happiness

But there was nothing there
Just an empty open field filled with snow

I yelled out your name
That I took your love as game
Thinking that it’s all the same

But to my surprise it was a dream
Filled a stream of dark untold thoughts

I tried to tell you that I still love you
But I don’t think you truly understood my feelings

As I found myself just hurting even more
The pain became unbarerable
Tears roll down my face

I felt alone

Isolated from everything
And everyone
I realized that I lost apart of me

I gave you my all
And I got nothing in return
But a long lists of unknown demands

I wish that you could have taken the time to see yourself through my eyes

As you are recognized by your exterior
That no one understands your interior design
But me

One page after the other
I readed all about you
But still you were blindfolded by the exterior

I sit here with a bunch of wishes
One by one
They each include you then I realized that I still love you

The foundation is layered
One rock at the time
I begin to rebuild the wall of the wounds that you exposed to the world

But truth be told
It was too late
Cause I realized that I will never be good enough for anyone else..

A gulity conscious surrounds me
I realized that it was not your fault
But mine…

With a million fingers pointed at you
I feel a thousand pointing at me
People started talking about you

I realized that maybe you were ashamed of me

I wasn’t quite appealing to the eyes
So you choose to hide me behind a mask that was never seen by the world
That you barely said a word

As I found myself living a lie
I just want to die

And escape my pain

IN MY HEAD

A dark cloud
That I found myself thinking aloud
Weak

Peak
Surrounded by all my mistakes
I feel like I wasted these takes
Repeating the same things

Over and over again
I felt like I am on a rollercoaster ride
I had a lot of pride

Tears roll down my face
As I watched life flash before my eyes
Each heartache that I experienced

I wish I could escape
Drowning in my own space
Drinking alcohol I wish I could forget

I sit here in darkness with a heart filled with regrets

All I could think of is a bunch of what ifs

I wish I could see you
So that I could apologize for my behaviour
But I wonder if you would accept my apology

Could I get a chance to make it right??
Would it still feel like love at first sight??

I wish you could come home
And we would be in our dome
Away from world

Just the two of us

⏮ON REPEAT ⏮

Another year
Different season
But the problems still remain the same

I found myself in the middle of an unexpected storm
As I feel two hands hold me on either side
I wonder if I could protect them

With my feet stuck to the ground
I wish I could just disappear because they don’t deserve me
As I found myself staring at this scars

I found myself wondering if I am ready to risk it all…
If you would forgive me that I didn’t tell you sooner

Dealing with my trust issues and insecurities
I never knew that this would be the ice breaker for our love
As this raging storm approach us

Would I risk my life for them??
Would it be safe to say that you don’t want to anything to do with me anymore,
That you don’t want me to stay???

As much as I stare into the mirror
Apart of me wishes I could just remove these scars that remained

Laying on the operating table
I wish these eyes never opened to see the light of day
That my mouth would never smile again
And that my heart would skip a beat like it did for your love

As I found life flashing right before eyes
And the wonderful memories that we shared
I wish I could turn back time to the day when we first met

Maybe if I had told you earlier
Then maybe you would have understood things much better
That fear wouldn’t surround your heart so much

I wish you could see that these are just scars
Scars that tell a story of what I went through
That you holding me tight
And having my head on chest doesn’t kill me

That when my head start paining in the winter time
It shows that I am exposing it to the cold weather…I need to keep warm
That’s why I lay my head next to yours with your arms wrapped around me

My heart is empty without you just filled with a lot of scars
That my soul feels damaged that no surgery can repair it

THE AFTERMATH OF AN EXPECTED STORM

Six little eyes
And a million questions surround their little minds
As your absence left them with a lot of unanswered questions

I watch them stare out of window
Hoping to hear your car pull up the driveway
That’s all I ever heard is”Mommy,when is Dad coming back?”

My heart torn into a million pieces
As I stare into their eyes
And my mind turns blank as I try to figure out what should I tell them??

But I simply change the topic immediately

The night falls
And three little souls struggle to fall asleep
I found them laying on couch

Patiently waiting for you to come home

As I found myself wrapping my arms around them
I could hear them weeping for you
And it broke my heart
As I felt like a weak mother

My son stares into my eyes
His heart shattered into pieces
As he could tell that you are not coming home anymore

All the hopes
Dreams
And goals

As I found out that he looked up to you
But we disappointed him
He believes in love

But because you left
And left him with no kind of warning
He doesn’t think it’s worth giving someone a chance to love him

As he counts the number of times that I fought for you
He asked me if it was worth it
Hurting myself again just so that we could be a family again

Tears roll down my face
My heart shattered into pieces
As I realized that I was only one trying my best to make things work

I was afraid of letting you go
Getting hurt and dealing with the kids broken hearts

“I’m really sorry” were the words that came out my mouth
As I felt ashamed of my actions as a mother
I decide to take the blame for every mistake

I realized that it was my fault that you left
The reason why you seeked comfort in the arms of another
Knowing that you will never come back
Or fight for the relationship

It was time to walk away from you
But the hardest part is how??

SHE STILL CARES

A month is a very time nd during that period of time she lost him…Her best friend,motivation and her inspiration. She loved him very much that she pretty much did everything and anything to show him how much she cared…She wasn’t perfect neither was he but he was perfect in her eyes. She never told him how she truly felt so someone else always spoke up for her because she feared pushing him away into the arm’s of another. She open the doors that allowed people to interfere.Each time that he would let her go,she would fight for him because he meant so much to her. He was completely open with her that she felt like she could trust him. He knew her deepest fears and her secrets but he being distant with her nd she felt like a nuisance upon his life. She felt like she always had prove herself to him but the unexpected storm and she didn’t it coming…the day he walked away nd tore her apart. That unconditional love that she once had was no longer conditional anymore…A wise lady once told her to stop fighting for people who didn’t want her in life then she realized that it was better if she walked away. Loving him from a distant nd better. She never hated him because that was once someone she loved nd care about.