My Truth To Self Growth…

I wish I could tell you the truth
The unspoken truth
I have trust issues
And a sacred heart
I’m always kind and respectful
But I’m not that strong to protect my sanity
They said I love you
And I believe them
They told me a bunch of empty words
And it messed me up
I believe in the lies that they told me
Cause I thought their intentions were true
Putting my sacred heart on the line
I never stopped believing in love
Loving you from the distance
My prayer is that God would save you for me
Being in the ring
I found myself fighting against my fears
Using my arms to protect my heart from getting more scars
An unexpected knock
I found myself on the ground
Eye swollen up
And my nose bleeding
A cut on my lip
I lost a battle that I was so confident about winning
That I thought that I would get the belt
Staring at the crown
I learnt to love my flaws
Getting to know myself even more
I had clear my eyes from this clouded judgment that I was filled with
Being realistic with myself
Choosing to be true
I am queen
The soul on the pedestal
You became my inspiration
I couldn’t give up on myself
Lifting me up
I was able to dust myself off
And continue fighting the this battle that help better my growth

Underground Fears…

I like you
Just like I like coffee
Strong with a some milk
Even from a distance
You can smell the caffeine
And fall slowly in love with it
Holding this cup close to my lips
I picture it being your lips on mine
Feeling the hot air in my mouth
It feels like the your warm breath down my throat
Wishing I could see your smile
Maybe for a while
I could be happy
Longing so badly to kiss you
Feel your hands all over me
Hoping that you would not just want my body
But my mind and soul
There’s a lot of tension
And a bunch of unspoken words
Staring into your eyes
I tempted to grab you by the neck
And kiss you like there’s no tomorrow
To satisfy my body needs
I need feel your body
Gaze into your eyes
And kiss you with so passion and fire
But I can’t stop thinking at what cost.
You have given me something that is rare
And that fufills my soul
Wishing you could see yourself through my eyes
Maybe you would understand why I feel the way I do
In the ring fighting all my fears
I lost the battle
Realizing my deepest fear is that I can’t picture life without you
Knowing what it feels like to have someone truly support you when it gets rough
Gives you space even when they don’t know about the demons you’re dealing with
Lists your flaws to thinking that I would look away
But I still see them as an incredible
I know that I would not be strong enough to seeing you liking or loving someone else
I found myself packing up my unspoken words
And it’s turned out to be truthful unspoken words

The Middle Person On The Edge of the World….

I feel like a Wednesday
Constantly fighting for some kind of recognition
That I wish I had a loud voice to get my opinion across
But I’m only good when people need support
Or when something needs to be done
I don’t blame them for treating me like an object
The demons that I’m fighting are even noticeable
Arms are straight up covering my face
Trying by all means to protect my sanity
Causing harm to myself emotionally, mentally and physically
I don’t think I can handle holding it in anymore
Disregarded by many people
I am the invisible soul
But I feel like I am losing this battle
Smiling to keep myself together
But truth is that I am not okay
Feeling like at any point in time I would fall
Like humpty dumpty
Wishing so much I could brush this off
But I need to accept defeat
The reality that I am the Wednesday
Completely forgotten about
But the one that is constantly told to be strong when it comes to fighting for my life
I feel alone
Truth is that I am alone
Having no life
Or control over my life
I feel like this is not my life to live
Sitting on the sidelines
Looking through the window to see what life is actually like on the other side
But I know that I would crack
And never put together again.

The Tided That Turned…

We had a life filled with sunny skies
Sunshine all day
It is still new
But it felt right
Completely honest about everything
And anything
Laughing about everything and anything
Experiencing only the rains
Hurting our hearts for a little while
But the next day we buried our problems
Hiding our feelings behind a mask
Feeling the need to apologize even when it was never my fault
It became really had to express ourselves when needed
Vulnerability was seen as being completely weak
Opening your soul
Telling me your deepest sincere fears
But I found it really attractive
Crossing fingers that we going to make it
Worrying about you
But you completely shut my feelings down
Like switch
Being inconsiderate of a girl’s pure intentions
I felt like I was never enough
Eyes closed tightly by a blindfold
Ears blocked up by words that I choose to believe about you
I wasn’t sure whether the direction I’ve embarked on was right
Things were not necessarily the same
Seeing less of you
Feeling that things are not necessarily the same as they used to be
The sky turned dark grey
Clouds gathered together
An unexpected storm on the horizon
A loud bang sounding like lighting
Things were no longer the same
Calling out your name
But there was no one there
Except an echo that bounced back at me

The Last Straw Of An Unexpected Let Down…

I was broken
Like a flower
I was dying
Cause I lacked water and sunlight
As every day went by
I was withering apart
Feeling completely lost in the world
Thinking that maybe you would have my back
Cover me up from the thunderstorms of the world
I needed you
That you would cheer me on while I’m fighting for you in the ring
My mind is left hazy
Confused if the image of you that I saw in the distance is real
I reached out to hold on to it
But like air
I couldn’t see anything
Left completely open
My opponent saw it as an opportunity to knock me out
I stared spinning
But when I look up to see your beautiful eyes
I found myself staring at an empty place
Losing my balance
Gravity brought me into the ground
I was gone
Completely Knockout
The bell went off
I barely heard anything
But a huge pain in the back of my head
My eyes started rolling to the back of my head
I couldn’t breathe
It took me a while to gain conscious
I opened my eyes a little bit
As I heard different voices surrounding me
Breathing through an oxygen mask
Connect to machines that never end
I feel this bright light blasting in my face
And hand touching me
In my state of mind
I’m completely confused about what happened
Seeing a stranger dressed in a white coat with a stethoscope around his neck
I realized I was in hospital
Seeing an empty chair next to me
Tears running down my face
I realized that you were never there
Hours turned into days
Days turned into a weeks
Weeks turned into a months
An unexpected decision
Choosing my happiness
I realized that you left my side long time ago
With no goodbye note
I choose to mend my broken pieces with my scared hands

Life Put On Pause…

I wish things were different
As much as I cut the cord long time
My soul is dominated by respect
I’m not ready to lose
And what we’ve shared
Our thing is really sacred to me
That I don’t want anyone in our bubble
Wishing you could understand why I said no
I’m just like you
Even though I can’t exactly show it
We both love our own spaces
But I also want a moment with you
Wishing that we could trade places
Maybe then you would understand why I’ve held my breath back for so long
And why this guard has fallen to the ground in front of you
You could go ahead
And call me selfish
But I wish you could see my life through a microscope
See the reason why I feel free whenever I’m with you
I know that I let you down
And broke your heart
Wearing my heart completely on my sleeve
Shedding a bunch unknown tears
I know in their eyes I’m a fool
But I can’t help
I like you a lot
Into you because you are different
Your smile that takes my breath away
Smiling from one ear to the other ear
I yearn your presence
Just like you yearn for mine
I wish things were different from what they are now
A dozen roses and plenty of kisses
I’m really sorry for letting you down

The Way You’ve Made Me Feel…

Your name turns me on
And has become my new home
I would not mind hearing it all day
Like my favorite song on repeat
I want to stare into your face
Just to appreciate God’s creation
Your smile makes so much sense in my life
It has become the light in my world
The kisses between us are like fireworks
I don’t think I want share this with anyone else but you
Others might love you for your looks
But your soul pulled me in
Constantly being surrounded by bad intentions
I don’t know how to appreciate something rare and real
Without fearing for the worst
I’m tempted to hold my breath
And thinking something bad might happen
Feeling the need to tell you why my heart is filled with so much fear
But I never stopped seeing the good in people
Even when they didn’t deserve it
You would tear yourself apart
Feeling like you were burden
But I would rather carry you
Then to allow these negative thoughts to take over your rare soul
To me you are one of the greatest
I thought I could be mysterious
And allow you to chase my heart
But I realize that I can’t anymore
Choosing to share everything that I’m feeling with you
Opening up a part of me that has been sacred to me
My heart is attached
Satisfying my soul with truth
Your sweet kisses left me yearning for more
Filled with a sense of emptiness
And a feeling that’s not so familiar to me
But I choose you more than you’ll ever know
Eyes closed tightly
I hope that I never lose you
Or mess something so rare

Unplugged Session…

You are so beautiful
Handsomely perfect in the eyes that cheer you on
I wish you could see yourself through my eyes
Maybe you see things differently
I know you probably don’t believe a bunch of empty words
Actions speak volumes that only the heart seems to appreciate every little thing
And the mind to understand
Standing in front of this microphone
I want to speak my mind
Speak my truth
The truth that I feel you aren’t aware of
I know that I don’t trust easily
But you gave me reason to let my guard down
Telling you my deepest fear
Getting to know you in person is honor
You deserve a round of applause
Standing ovation
Everytime I stare into your beautiful eyes
You take me place where only you and I existed
A smile that leaves me tongue tied
I feel like I am dreaming everytime I’m with you
You are a heart desire
A desire that I didn’t think would come true
I’ve always put you on a pedestal
My Inspiration
I don’t think you truly know how much you mean to me
Or what it means to me to be in your life
In your presence everytime you want to see me
I realize that you filled my soul up
Cupid shot me with an arrow a few years ago
But I needed to fix myself first
And now I know you
This arrow has gotten deeper
With the bars and lyrics that take my breath away
I need you more…

Reality Check Needed!!!

How many times have you filled people’s cups up
And for some reason yours is empty???
How many times have you supported the people in your circle
But they can’t support you
Two questions that I have thought about
Long and hard
I feel like my entire life is played out on the sidelines
And I’m looking in
Into the life that I have always wanted
But know that I can’t have
Not now,
Not in this lifetime
I feel there’s a reason why I keep my things to myself
And choose not share my thoughts with the world
I want to hate the world
And my choices for being the girl that I am
But it feels like there’s a reason why I shut down from the world
Live in my own little bubble
And just escape
I know that they will probably label me as desperate
Or just clueless
Cause they probably know your intentions
Maybe in their eyes
I’m the empty tin
Who doesn’t make a lot of noise
I’m always in the corner
It’s been my favorite place
In crowd of people
It’s rare for them to notice me leaving
I feel alone
On the sidelines
Hoping that someday I will get the opportunity to play on the field
And just live for once

Heated Artwork

They had a great time
Everything that they wanted to do
It was all there
She laid her entire body on his body
Felt completely light
And let her guard down
His arms wrapped so beautifully around her
She felt something she’s always wanted to feel
Something that only her soul and her heart knew about
The way he grabbed her body
Lifted her up with his strong muscular arms wrapped around her
For a moment she felt something that she’s always wanted to feel
Something rare and hard to find
She held his hands with her fingers intertwined with his
And saw all his flaws as an incredible work of art
Making comments about cute fingers
And how beautiful he’s face is
It is a magical work of art
It took him by surprise
Like a punchline he never expected…
Being with someone who sees him as perfect
Seeing those gorgeous legs in person
She didn’t expect to be left speechless
He looked like a fragile soul
She was completely scared to touch him
Gazing into his beautiful eyes
She felt her soul being drawn in
Trying by all means to fight the feelings that have come rushing down her spine
He bit her lip
And got her all fired up
She wanted more
As he begin to kiss her with so passion
She was left completely breathless
Her lips felt cold
As she felt heated wanting more of him
To wrap herself around his gorgeous body
Making him feel things that he’s never felt before
The room was filled with hot air
Windows filled with mist
Neither of them wanted things to end
But reality set in
His touch remains the same in her body
And his image started to dissipate