THE TRUTH ABOUT REALITY THAT IS HARD TO ACCEPT

I’ve lived in my world

Everything seemed perfect

No flaws

Or Mistakes were seen with a naked eye

Just a bunch of regrets

My eyes are on fire

And my heart shattered in pieces

I realized that there’s no stitches

Just bunch of unnecessary wasted takes

With the camera on

Everyone saw what I wanted them to see

But truth be told…

I was a stupid writer,wrong producer

And directing them into what I wanted them to see

But it was all a lie

The reality is there are good people in this world

With good intentions

I’ve allowed people’s opinions to cloud my judgment

And in the end doors were closed in my face

I realized that I was back in a bad space.

As I feared the truth

I realized I was living a lie.

Sorry would never be enough to tell the world how bad I feel

I wish I could turn back time

And fix it

But I have no choice and jump from the tallest building screaming how sorry I am…

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Stranger In My Eyes

I see you in the distance
Tried to hide away
You stare into my eyes
And walked pass
As you walk with a beautiful lady by your side
I knew that she was love of your life
No words were said
I smile at you
But all you gave me was a serious look
I tried to say “Hello”
But all she did was give me a dirty look
As I hear you laughing with her
I turned around to see if you were looking at me
But all I could see was her asking you what were you thinking?
And your responses ripped my heart apart
As you denied the fact that I was ever yours
Tears begin to roll down my face
You turned around to check if I heard anything you said
And I was gone
You were a stranger that torn my heart apart

THE RIPPLE EFFECT OF LOSING MY SOUL

I am alone

Feeling like this makes me think of a bone

My heart is turned into a stone

My feelings are so numb

That I feel like a thumb

With no sense of emotion

I am unable to feel

That I am turned into steel

My skin has become an artificial material

And my soul has turned into iron

I’ve got no sense of compassion

I am not the same person anymore

Things have changed

That I don’t want to give anyone a chance

Because I’m scared of losing myself

In this world I feel so alone

With this object in my hand

I don’t have the energy to stand

Surrounded by cuts

I never thought my scars would come out in the light

But no one could stand the sight

I have become so disgusting

Everyone who made the mess left me with nothing

But broken pieces

The doctors tried to give me stitches

But I wanted my wounds to be open

So I could feel the pain

I wanted it to feel like a permenant stain

I deserve it

Like an winning streak

Mines had to come to an end…

And in the end I lost you

Like we used to be….

Could I turn back the hands of time
And hopefully this won’t be bitter like lime
I would give up a dime

I am a messed up soul
That I think I have turned so cold
Hoping you would be the one who molds me
Into a better person

Walking with my entire heart on my sleeve

Hoping that you would be the one to catch me
But I found myself latching onto someone
Who doesn’t know my flaws

I begin to count the number of times I messed up
Waiting for you to walk out
And leave me just like it’s always been

As I stare at your reflection
I realized that you were perfection
But you didn’t get any satisfaction

Being with me felt like a burden

I messaged you
But you ignore what I am trying to say
I wrapped my arms around you
But you pushed me away

As I found myself falling from the back
I realized that I lacked
Tears roll down my face

As I look up into your eyes
But your expression shows that you were disgusted by my appearance

I felt like disappearing
That if this was a crime the world would write that I am appearing in court

Like with my hands
In the sands
I feel like creeping into a shell and never coming back

S.M.A

A few months later
The tears are still the same
But they say it is lame

An empty soul
That’s all I have been feeling
As I watched you drive away

With all the color and love
Like a dove
You flew away

Left me with nothing
But broken pieces

The world dictate what I should be doing
But no one understand stood what I felt
At that moment in time

I lost apart of me
My best friend
My motivation
My favorite soccer player
My inspiration
My heart

They told me to let you go
But I just couldn’t picture my life without you

I saw my flaws in bold
I knew that maybe I wasn’t gold

Looking at the time
I wish I could turn it all back
Staring at my reflection I saw a heart of gold
But I know that you couldn’t see it

Paparazzi and Autographs
I watched everyone take piece of what was mine…
Till there was nothing left for me

My eyes hidden from the face of the world
You couldn’t see through them anymore

I found myself feeling like a box
That when you left
I felt like I lost my purpose

Kicked around
I wish you never opened me

Maybe we would still be close friends
And our conversations would be better
You would still have your cheerleader
Cheering you on

Having long conversations on facebook
Oh,how I miss those moments
Those speechless moments
The unexpected proposal
And imagery wedding

No one understood what we felt for each when we met
I felt the walls of insecurity coming off
Laughing with you
I thought I finally found happiness
Living my version of happy ending was complete

I stare at the mirror of truth
It showed me how I allowed them dictate what we should have been
How we should have loved each other
When you walked out on me

They disappeared into the dark
That they opinions left a permanent mark

I wish that I broke free

I found myself falling for you
That trust became my enemy
A beautiful love story ruined…

And it’s because of me

I became a unexpected storm
Ruining everything that meant so much to me
But as I found myself messing everything up

And caused you to love me from a distant

I found myself crawling into a dark place
That I pushed you away
But I ended up fighting for you

I wish that my personal issues
Weren’t a problem for you

A love that meant so much
I hope that you would fight for me
But instead you walked away

THE DARK DEJECTED SOUL

I’ve done it again
The unexpected storm
But this time it blew you away

As I found myself outside
In the cold
With no one to hold

I realized that by my side is nothing but emptiness
Surrounded by the white snow
I tried to look for the bow that would unlock my happiness

But there was nothing there
Just an empty open field filled with snow

I yelled out your name
That I took your love as game
Thinking that it’s all the same

But to my surprise it was a dream
Filled a stream of dark untold thoughts

I tried to tell you that I still love you
But I don’t think you truly understood my feelings

As I found myself just hurting even more
The pain became unbarerable
Tears roll down my face

I felt alone

Isolated from everything
And everyone
I realized that I lost apart of me

I gave you my all
And I got nothing in return
But a long lists of unknown demands

I wish that you could have taken the time to see yourself through my eyes

As you are recognized by your exterior
That no one understands your interior design
But me

One page after the other
I readed all about you
But still you were blindfolded by the exterior

I sit here with a bunch of wishes
One by one
They each include you then I realized that I still love you

The foundation is layered
One rock at the time
I begin to rebuild the wall of the wounds that you exposed to the world

But truth be told
It was too late
Cause I realized that I will never be good enough for anyone else..

A gulity conscious surrounds me
I realized that it was not your fault
But mine…

With a million fingers pointed at you
I feel a thousand pointing at me
People started talking about you

I realized that maybe you were ashamed of me

I wasn’t quite appealing to the eyes
So you choose to hide me behind a mask that was never seen by the world
That you barely said a word

As I found myself living a lie
I just want to die

And escape my pain

IN MY HEAD

A dark cloud
That I found myself thinking aloud
Weak

Peak
Surrounded by all my mistakes
I feel like I wasted these takes
Repeating the same things

Over and over again
I felt like I am on a rollercoaster ride
I had a lot of pride

Tears roll down my face
As I watched life flash before my eyes
Each heartache that I experienced

I wish I could escape
Drowning in my own space
Drinking alcohol I wish I could forget

I sit here in darkness with a heart filled with regrets

All I could think of is a bunch of what ifs

I wish I could see you
So that I could apologize for my behaviour
But I wonder if you would accept my apology

Could I get a chance to make it right??
Would it still feel like love at first sight??

I wish you could come home
And we would be in our dome
Away from world

Just the two of us