The Wound That Never Stopped Hurting

You are an amazing person
A true friend
The one that I trusted more than anything else in this world
With you, I felt something that I thought only existed in my poetry
I could escape from the world that hurt me really badly
We spoke every day
Like we were close that you felt completely comfortable around me
There was a point where you had my heart
Made me trust you with my deepest fears
I never thought I’d see the day where you nd I were not talking to each other
Tears rolling down my eyes
I wish I could close my eyes for entire lifetime
I never wake up again
You might not realize it
But I really loved you
And maybe love wasn’t enough to keep you interested
But it kept me loyal to you
Exposing my life to you
I gave you my heart to hold
And cherish no matter what happens between you and I
I was the girl who stayed as much as you pushed me away
Through the storms that life threw at both of us
I just had to remain strong for you
Making a decision not to tell you about my feelings
I decided to bury it under the rug
And act like it never existed
I kept it with you
Constantly wearing the mask that I couldn’t remove it
It was attached to my face
Like your name across my heart
I begin to wonder why didn’t you say Goodbye
All of it hurts at the moment
You were my true friend
The one who held my down
My diary in a human form
I don’t know if I can walk this earth without you by side
Just take it one day at a time they say
But every day feels salt rub on an open wound
It painful as hell

The Mystery Man That Came to Life

I remember seeing you in the distance
But what I felt for you was an unexpected instance
As I saw the most handsome man
Looking like a dream
I was scared to talk to you
That I tried to prepare myself in my head to speak to you
But every time I saw you
My mind literally froze
I was tongue tied
That I would regret that I didn’t make the effort for you to notice me
Unexpectedly I walked passed your house
Looking down as I always do afraid to look at other people into their eyes
Something in me said turn to the side for minute
And I saw you sitting at step of the door
With the most amazing smile
My heart melted like hot butter on the stove
Memories of seeing you staring into my face
Start rushing in my mind
And I started smiling with myself
Hoping you were still sitting there but this time waiting for me
As I walked past the second time
I did not want make obvious that I like you
So I turned my head for a second
And you were not there
My heart was torn
But at the same time I was grateful at the opportunity that I got to see you see me
I remember surfing through social pages trying to find you
Seeing your profile
I couldn’t help but add you as a friend
You accepted and made me smile ☺
From a mile away even baby could tell that I was happy
But I never the courage to message you afraid that I would make myself look like a fool
You said hi
And I was literally speechless, confused and scared all at same time
This person that I put on a pedestal
Is granting me a shot to speak to him
That when we spoke in person
I was excited but had to calm myself down
A brief conversation turned into permanent tattoo in my mind
Wishing that I could speak you with no interruptions
Endless conversations and unspoken words
Goodbye wasn’t ready to come out my mouth
That is how much I enjoyed talking to you
As I felt like you spoke to my soul
You wrapped your arm around my shoulders
I wish that I reacted
Fear stood my way
I’m scared of messing things up
And having the girl that held your heart pop out of nowhere
Like a elastic I held my scarred heart back
Staring into your eyes
I was gone with the wind deep in the sky
That you continously went out of your way to make smile
And found a way to live in my mind
Without sweating or trying to hard
To this day I’m not sure why we get along
But I want to be in your life through all the storms
Just to cheer you to the finishing line
That’s been a dream of mine…

Impact Of The Mystery Man…

I feel like our paths have crossed before
But that was during another lifetime
Your Personality is different from the ones before you
And for some reason with you, I feel at home
It is like everything I needed
I found in you
I struggle to accept the beauty in the mirror
Always felt like I was ugly at some point
That I was blinded by the negative comments
And it ripped me apart
Always thought maybe it was me
Thinking that I was good enough
The mask eventually came out
Covering the real me
When I met you
There was a moment when you were staring in my eyes
I felt completely flustered,
It felt like you were staring into my soul
Being in your presences changed my life
Opened up my eyes to a world that I felt completely lost in
I was overwhelmed with happiness.
Trust was never my best friend
And love became a long lost friend
That I was mess.
In your arms is where I felt completely safe
And your love satisfied me
My empty cup was filled up
I couldn’t picture life without you
But gravity pulled me to the ground
I found myself falling into the forbidden ocean
Drowning in my circumstances
I felt you that you were distant
Surrounded by fear
Everything from the past started coming up
My life began to flash before my big eyes
I’m not ready to walk away from everything
My heart was placed on lock down
But every time that I think about you
I find myself withering against the emotions that I’m feeling
Wishing that you haven’t said goodbye to me..

Ms Fear And Mr Disappointment

From a distance,
Staring into a blank space.
An image appeared in out of nowhere.
A handsome soul,
With the most perfect smile,
And personality that leaves you driving miles away
I reach out my hand to feel if it is real.
Sun-kissed skin,
Soft like the sand on beach,
No lumps or bumps.
Goodness Gracious,
I begin to think if I’m not dreaming.
My hands travels down to your arms.
Walking around with my fingers.
Feeling chills down my spine.
Tempted to open my eyes,
And realize that maybe I’m dreaming.
But I do not want my heart to fall apart from the gravity that holds it.
I begin to feel this soul looking for me.
As I feel arm next to mine.
Like a piece of heart searching for it’s other half.
This hand begins enclosing over mine,
I look up trying to find the windows that completes this home.
Tears roll down my eyes.
Like an avalanche.
I’m scared to put my heart in these arms.
My mind flashbacks to the day I said to being with someone.
I remember how I felt when the truth came out.
Clearly I was nothing.
But an incubator.
My heart torn apart,
Fear surrounds me even more.
I hope that stays for eternity.
But only God knows,
I put it out there.
And aim high,
In order to take a chance.
With my fingers crossed behind my back,
I can feel my heart racing.
I think I like this image.
But I’m not sure if you feels the same way.
On the edge of the mountain.
That how I feel like.
As I free fall with no safety cables,
Taking this leap of faith,
I pray that you say yes.

THE WORDS THAT I WANT YOU TO KNOW…

I miss you
But I can’t tell you every day
Your smile that lit my entire world
And became one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen
I’ve experienced life without you
But it hasn’t not been for this long
I’m trying to be strong
That I would wear a mask for the world
Tears rolling down my face
Like avalanche on an iceberg
I realized that you are not there
As the one that holds my heart is not there
My pillar of strength
And my #1 fan
I never thought I’d experience life without you
But today I’m experiencing it
My golden star
A rare flower amongst a garden beautiful roses
My mind flashbacks to the day we first met
I can’t stop thinking about how you left me breathless
You are not perfect
Neither am I
But I’ve loved you for your flaws
My shield have come down
And I’ve learn how to trust you
I realized that I love you so much
We have experienced the storm in our lives
And I know that we’re going to be ok
Even though I’m dealing with my problems
I thank God for you every day
You are the reason for my strength
Now its my turn to cheer for you
On the finishing line is where I would be waiting for you
No matter what happens
I love you

THE NEVER ENDING WAR…

How long would I have to wait
Or should I just keep quiet
And allow you to find the answer to this war that you are currently embarking on…
Hours turn into days
Days turn into weeks
Weeks turn into months
Months turn into years
And every time that I feel like I am close
There’s always something that pulls me back a 1000 steps
I feel like future has endless possibilities
Only you and I can jump into the forbidden ocean
To see what we can do just the two of us
With my hand held out to you
I feel like I want to show you moral support
But it’s not enough
I stare into your eyes
The tears start coming up of nowhere
I’m not sure if I hold treat them like an elastic band
Maybe you see this as a crazy
But there are some days where I wish you could see things through my eyes
I feel alone
The world has turned against me
Like an unexpected storm
I didn’t see it coming
There are days where I feel like leaving the ring
And ripping all the dreams off the walls
My heart is on the line
And clearly only I understand how much this victory means to me
I’m scared
Cause every thing is hanging on a thread
In a blink of an eye
I could lose everything
Or win this war

The Answer Deep Within…

I don’t have anyone in my corner
No one to back me up
And say that they see what I see in you
Johannesburg to Durban is far
I feel like a loner
But I can’t go through with it anymore
Making this deal that I promise my heart
The happiness was real
The love is genuine
Yes, you can can say it’s true
With all the takes that I have wasted
Know that I tried
To recreate our story with a different character
But I can’t
Maybe I’m failure
It was draining
As I experienced all those episodes
Everyone just watched as I fought for my life
But very few people helped me
No one got to core
I needed you
And this time is was real
With my life hanging on a thread
I knew it could go either way
Back to drawing board
I see that I’m out of ideas
And time is clearly not on my side
As the sand moves down to the bottom of the hourglass
I realized that my projected time has come to an end
No matter how many times I try to shoot my shot
The ultimate question is will I score or will I fail to shoot through the hop
Through the net
Will I be able to pass through all the defenders that are defending your heart
Will you give me a chance once I have broken through the walls where you hide your reflection??
The chains have broken
And the cage is unlocked
You can choose to leave me alone
Or fight this war with me
Heads Or Tails
Only you know how the story goes…

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