Maybe I have not found the right words to say sorry.
Maybe I’ve hurt and disappointed you too much that right now all you want is to be alone.
Maybe you couldn’t really wait for me to decide whether I want you or not.
Hiding behind the walls that protect you from the world
Thinking it would safe if you remain there
Replaying every conversation in my head
Wondering if I did anything wrong to bring so much uncertainty into our space
Memories of the last time we had a moment alone
And the image of the disappointment on your face begin breaking my heart
As I continue beating myself up for something that I know I still think about
Seconds turn into minutes
Minutes turn into hours
Hours turn into days
Days turn into weeks
Feeling like I’m in the ring fighting for you and everything else that means so much to me
And I try my best to mute everything that I’m feeling
Escaping these four walls
Traveling to another place where I’m surrounded by nature
Thinking that the thoughts about you would stop
But that is it
You’re my first thought when the sun rises
And the my last thought when the moon and the stars are out
Wrapped up in warm blankets
Wishing it was your arms keeping me warm
Hiding behind the smile
I’m just not ready to admit that I’m not okay with the fact we’re not okay
Walking around with so much hope in my heart that I’ll see you again
Staring out the window
I wish I could see my light and shining armour.
My sunshine
Trying by all means find the courage to come over and tell you how much I still want you
Breaking myself down to the core
Staring at my flaws
My mind rewinds to my dark days
Thinking about how I used to stare at you from a distance
Admiring your soul and the person that you are
Wondering if you’re real or maybe I’m dreaming
Looking up into the sky
Trying to find the shooting star
There’s nothing there
Out of the four walls
My heart starts searching for you
For some kind of sign
And I saw it again
Incredible soul from a distance
Eyes closed tightly
My mind traveling down the highway at 120 kilometers per hour
To a world where only you and I existed
Protecting you with everything that I have
I found myself in the boxing ring
Keeping you in my heart
You became a secret mystery man
With no identification
I found myself calling the a beautiful unknown soul
A mysterious soul from a distance
Finding myself again
I hide behind the four walls
Protecting myself from old wounds opening
A perfect artwork
I found myself falling into the forbidden ocean
My legs have given in
Heart stops for a while and I realize that maybe I’m not perfect soul