The Earthquake From Within…

I feel like screaming out loud
Punching a punching bag
Like a fighter
My mind is claustrophobic
With a million unexpected thoughts
I find myself overthinking
Going over our conversations
Like a song on repeat
This is really hard
When I am drawn to your personality
Wishing I could find the courage to tell you the truth
WishingBut at what cost??
Losing something I’ve always wanted
Like my favorite toy that I have always wished for every Christmas
Feeling like you’ve got me wrapped around your fingers
I can’t help it
Feeling like melting butter in your hands
I wish I knew what happened before me
Hoping for the day you would be vulnerable with me
That you would let down your walls
Surrounding yourself with rubbles of pain
Allowing me to help you
Getting through your doubts and fears together
You’ve made your mistakes
Choosing the amazing flawed soul that you are
So you won’t feel like I am going judge you
Thoughts of buried feelings
Putting things on mute until further notice
Showing you how much I truly care about you
Wishing you could do the same for me
When my thoughts become so dark that it’s hard to deal with sometimes
I’m tempted to text you
Telling you that I need you
But I put your happiness first
And feel the tears rolling down my face
Crying myself to sleep
Feeling safe within the four walls
Where no one would know of my existence in your world besides your best friend
I’ve got strong walls covering my heart
Spending time with you is really hard
As I tried by all means to avoid replaying the entire moment in my hand
Wanting so badly to feel safe around you
Covering my feelings with masks where you won’t I’m hurting
Maybe you don’t feel the same way I do
I know that I’m not the type of girl that you’d be seen with
Thinking that I might ruin the reputation that you have built for yourself
Keeping me in the distance away from the public
Rewinding to how I was once someone’s secret
I’m not ready to lose myself again
Just until I can suppress these unspoken emotions
Knowing that you might break my heart
Trying to detach myself from you
But it’s hard when you’ve created a place of your own in my life