Unexpected Knockout🥊

In my heart I know I ruined things between us
And this thing between us is no longer the same
I would take the blame
Cause maybe it is my fault
The thing is that I like you a lot
But I’m not sure if you would feel the same way
I’ve avoided seeing
Feeling like I would make a fool of myself
Putting myself out there
Just to be tossed in the out like there was nothing there
Apart wants to say it
But fingers would not allow me to
I yearn to have a moment with you in person
Just like you yearn to see me
But I just can’t show up
And ruin your moment with people mean a lot to you
I wish you could meet me halfway
And maybe the cravings would disappear for a while
To look into your eyes once again
And feel all those unspoken feelings that I felt when I first saw you
I think I would be wrong if I say being with you has been simply amazing
Truth be told
In my eyes you were different
A whole lot of amazing and out of this world
I really enjoyed the time that I spent talking to you
Exposing you to all my flaws
I don’t think things will be the same way
I’ve fallen in love
And this time it was beyond my control
Maybe I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up
Should have made room for disappointment
Then it would not hurt so much
Staring at the empty space
My mind goes on a trip through space hoping to find my faults
But comes back with nothing but emptiness and coldness
I don’t want to allow myself to feel something for you
But I think it’s too late
I wanted an opportunity to be seen as someone different than just an object
To unravel the unspoken truth
But at this point in time I feel like I am at a cross road
Choosing between what my mind and my heart wants
I can’t seem to make a decision because I would still love you either way
Coin tossed in the air
It may on either side
Question is which way is the right way…
Turning left
But there was no one there
Turning right
But there was no one there either
Feeling the light being covered up
I look up to see beautiful eyes
Eyes that look so familiar that feel so right
My heart was knocked out of its socks

Small Spaces…

This journey liberating
But lonely at the same time
Everybody expecting me to be happy
But truth be told there’s more to life than being yes man type of girl
And deep inside I was dying to come out of my forbidden closet
Feeling like I was stripped of my happiness
My Sanity
The glassed heart became completely empty
My mind is constantly consumed by negative thoughts
As I listen to all these unspoken comments come to life
I try by all means to find my voice
But I’m silenced cause my opinion doesn’t count
Watching the eyes that stare at me
I feel like I can read their thoughts
Wishing I could hide for a lifetime since all they see is an empty skull
Bottled up tears are released
As I found myself surrounded by scars and bruises that never healed
This space is starting to feel small
I feel claustrophobic
My emotions are overwhelming me
I’m at my breaking point
With a coin flipped in the air
Heads or Tails
This entire thing could go either way
I want to be alone
I need time to catch up with my thoughts
But the room is not working for me
Watching my skin turn black
I realized that I’m in need of oxygen
Surrounded by a lot of people at the same time
I feel exhausted by every single moment that I spend in this small place
Feeling like I’m at the end of my life story
Invisible wall please disappear
So I could breathe again

The Me Behind the Mask Within the Four Walls

I feel like I mean nothing
Like my opinions have no value
My heart is empty
I found myself blending in with the walls
Constantly observing how I feel
No one took me into consideration
Or got to know me
I wish someone could recognize my skill
And give me a chance to shine
As much as I whine about how I feel
But I knew that I couldn’t escape from all of this pain
As the load becomes heavier with each emotion
I can’t help but wonder if I will ever be go enough
Finally deciding to take a chance
To do the right thing
And look out for me
I chose the pen and the paper
The type writer
A bunch of empty pages
I wish I had a support system that cared
Instead I saw the storm on the horizon approaching
Feeling the droplets of rain on my skin
I went through it by myself
Crying out for someone to rescue me
It felt like I give up on my happiness
I want to write
Write like there’s no tomorrow
Live in world where my imagination and my heart exists
I’m surrounded by negativity
And negative thoughts
Cold hearts turn even more colder than before
The words seem to hurt more than the punches
Laying my head down on a soaking wet pillow
Drowning in this dark space
I am broken to the core

The Odd One Out

I grew up amongst the best
But felt like I was the worst
Being the ordinary woman who is average
I blended in with the walls
Constantly observing
Not feeling the need to speak up when something is wrong
I felt like I forced myself into silence
My silence was strong
And my opinion was thrown in the trash
As they just brushed off like nothing’s wrong
I was once someone’s punching bag
Being stuffed in the corner
And it left me broken
I might not have physical scars
But emotionally I’m no longer the same
Having to keep with the masks
I felt like I was losing myself slowly
Eventually I found myself in a dark place
Surrounded by petrified thoughts
This war was beyond me
People had different hopes and dreams for me
It was easy for me to give them a hand
But they wanted the entire arm instead
Choosing other people’s dreams
And taking the things that I wanted for granted
My mind is completely destroyed and dark
I feel like I have forgotten about my own reflection
Craving happiness
I open up to strangers
And shutting the familiar faces out completely
In their eyes I was a fool
An empty tin
That didn’t have a lot to say
Constantly expected to be happy like I was not dealing with challenges
Driving me to the darkest place that I ended up calling home
I needed to escape for a while
But that trip was impossible to find
My soul is tied up
And my thoughts are dark
Dealing with each challenge as it comes
But deep down I just want to be left alone

The Unexpected Wait…

I wish I could be there
Literally wrap you up in my arms
They’re not as strong as yours
But you feel safe
I want to show up at your house
Seeing you smile from one ear to the other
Getting completely lost in your eyes
I want to hear your voice
The way you speak sound so beautiful to me
To hear you speak
It would feel like the angels are singing a beautiful harmony to me
I want you to confide in me
Maybe that would ease the burden for a while
To see you smile
My entire world would lit up
I would be surrounded by happiness
Happiness that you created by being yourself
I hope my mind captures you
In your most comfortable state of mind
So I can revisit my most recent experience with you
It did not take you that long to earn my trust
And I told you my deepest secret
Thinking that I scared you away
In just a month and few weeks
You became my best friend
My favorite Mc
My favorite Martial Arts Master Handsome Hunk ❤️
I pray that I never lose you
A rare bright light
It’s not everyday that our paths crossed the way ours did
I always saw you as the mysterious man in my poems
But I’m glad that I finally found the name of the man
Who took my breath away few years ago
Looking at you now
You were definitely worth the wait…

Untitled Poem…

My Rare Work Of Art
That’s is what I see when I look at you
I wish I knew what you were thinking
Or how you will feeling
As your eyes run off into an entirely different world
A world where I’m appreciated for being myself
It has been two months
And I’m surprised you haven’t peace out
Or we haven’t argued to the point where you walk away
I feel scared of getting attached to you
This all seems like it’s too soon
Or maybe I’m still dreaming
Creating you in my head
As I list all the qualities that define you
I realized that I never was true
Instead of always thinking about the good things
I should have thought about the bad
The awkward moments
And the dark moments
Constantly giving you some reassurance
Tears brawl down my face
My heart left with a broken scar
As you reached out to me
Eyes closed tightly
It hits me hard
I imagine the walls falling apart
Hitting the ground
I imagine you at your most vulnerable moment
Putting my arms around you
Or just to smash into you
Looking at this extraordinary man that stands here before me
Realizing how strong he is
I wish I could be strong enough for him when he is feeling weak
We always keep it 💯 with each other
Hoping to never lose this honesty moment with each other
I wish I could say it
Seeing this eye candy has gotten better with time
Just like wine
Getting to know you now
Everything I felt back then
Came back like an adrenaline rush
You called yourself a loser
But in my eyes you are winner
A champion
The Handsomest Martial Art Master Hunk in the entire world
Who stole my heart
And made me smile
For while I was able to travel for more than a mile
To realize that there’s more to what meets the eye

The Truth That I Stopped Seeking For…

Sometimes you won’t get me
In fact all the time you never get it
You might claim to know me
And what I’m going through
Dealing with a lot of things
I found it hard to talk to you
Being raised by you
I had to learn how to wear a mask
A mask so no one could ever see me
The real me
My eyes would look like glass to most people
Only a few would know when I’m about explode
We all go through our own problems
But we find it hard to express ourselves
Constantly fighting our own battles at the end of the day
Where we surrounded by people who label us according to what they see
There’s a level of bottled up emotions
You wonder why I shut down or shut you out
I don’t tell you how I feel
Because I was always told that I was wrong
And my emotions were gone at 100 miles/h
My silence spoke volumes to people who claim to care
And people who thought they knew what is better for me
The walls that cover my soul became stronger
I wish I could trade you in
To find something better
But truth is that it’s not easy
As I constantly find myself questioning if I’m meant to be here
If this my life with you in it
Picking up the pieces that build you
I realize that I’ve become you
Biting my tongue
I’m more eager to find the answer to some unanswered questions that I have
Shutting myself down
I feel like I’ve been a robot
Following everyone’s orders
Believing everything I was told
My mind turned into a sponge
Constantly soaked up the things dark that surround me
I realize that the truth is beyond my control
Maybe I’m not gonna find it now
But it will privail eventually

Her Hidden Reflection…

Her eyes are like a glass
Staring at your reflection
You were not aware that she was dying
From all the pain
And bottled up emotions
Acting like she doesn’t see what you are going through
Asking if you are okay became her national anthem
Reaching out to you
You did not see that she was trying
Hitting her head against the walls that cover your heart
Instead you turned her down
Like a clown she felt like fool
A joke that only you could see
To you this might be lust
Which could turn into rust
Eventually you could get tired of her
Causing her to wear her head down
Pretending like she doesn’t want to know
But the urge is killing her
Yet she doesn’t show it
A million unanswered questions
And there’s no response
Only silent walls
Sitting in a corner
The room felt cold and dark
She walked away for a while
Afraid that if she tried to talk to you
You might turn into a volcano
At any moment you might explode
Best thing is to put on her mask
And smile
There’s nothing to see
So her silence will speak volumes only you can hear

The Unexpected Wait

I wish I could be there
Literally wrap you up in my arms
They’re not as strong as yours
But you feel safe
I want to show up at your house
Seeing you smile from one ear to the other
Getting completely lost in your eyes
I want to hear your voice
The way you speak sound so beautiful to me
To hear you speak
It would feel like the angels are singing a beautiful harmony to me
I want you to confide in me
Maybe that would ease the burden for a while
To see you smile
My entire world would lit up
I would be surrounded by happiness
Happiness that you created by being yourself
I hope my mind captures you
In your most comfortable state of mind
So I can revisit my most recent experience with you
It did not take you that long to earn my trust
And I told you my deepest secret
Thinking that I scared you away
In just a month and few weeks
You became my best friend
My favorite Mc
My favorite Martial Arts Master Handsome Hunk ❤️
I pray that I never lose you
A rare bright light
It’s not everyday that our paths crossed the way ours did
I always saw you as the mysterious man in my poems
But I’m glad that I finally found the name of the man
Who took my breath away few years ago
Looking at you now
You were definitely worth the wait…

The Wound That Never Stopped Hurting

You are an amazing person
A true friend
The one that I trusted more than anything else in this world
With you, I felt something that I thought only existed in my poetry
I could escape from the world that hurt me really badly
We spoke every day
Like we were close that you felt completely comfortable around me
There was a point where you had my heart
Made me trust you with my deepest fears
I never thought I’d see the day where you nd I were not talking to each other
Tears rolling down my eyes
I wish I could close my eyes for entire lifetime
I never wake up again
You might not realize it
But I really loved you
And maybe love wasn’t enough to keep you interested
But it kept me loyal to you
Exposing my life to you
I gave you my heart to hold
And cherish no matter what happens between you and I
I was the girl who stayed as much as you pushed me away
Through the storms that life threw at both of us
I just had to remain strong for you
Making a decision not to tell you about my feelings
I decided to bury it under the rug
And act like it never existed
I kept it with you
Constantly wearing the mask that I couldn’t remove it
It was attached to my face
Like your name across my heart
I begin to wonder why didn’t you say Goodbye
All of it hurts at the moment
You were my true friend
The one who held my down
My diary in a human form
I don’t know if I can walk this earth without you by side
Just take it one day at a time they say
But every day feels salt rub on an open wound
It painful as hell