The Broken Inner Child

In her eyes I’m not beautiful
Wishing she could trade me in for something new
But that’s impossible
As I found myself unfamiliar
Surrounded by strangers
Injected with anesthetics
But it took a long time to kick in
As I found myself surrounded by strangers
Opening me up
Exposing my soul to a world that barely knew me
Only to have them rip me apart
I feel completely lost and alone
The glass is empty and broken
Questioning everything that they whisper into my ear
As the words turn into empty tins
Seeing right through the can
I found myself staring at broken me
Looking for the approval that I never got
Finding comfort in the arms of a bunch of people who are temporary
Holding on tightly to everything that is normal to me
Wishing that I could be a normal soul
But the picture became unappealing
Feeling empty and saying no to the one thing that they came for
And one by one
They eventually left
I started building strong walls
Rejecting everyone that tries to get to close
But it eventually became exhausting
Perfect picture in the distance
Trying by all means to shut down
But it’s simply impossible
Staring at into the windows that feel like freedom
Holding my guard up
But it took a moment of vulnerability as I watch the walls fall off like a earthquake
Feeling naked
I crossed my fingers that this storyline is different
Hoping that I don’t end up on the roller-coaster ride again
Attaching myself to a place where I feel like I fit in
The door is open to new opportunities
Gazing at the horizon ahead
The tided turns and the wind starts getting colder
Tears rolling down my face
Memories of the roller-coaster ride comes up again
Finding comfort in the darkness
Eyes closed tightly
My grip becomes loose
Scared that I might never be the same again
Red eyes from all the crying
Emotionally exhausted from all the fighting
Fearing watching this movie replay all over again
Wishing the roles would change
Yearning to feel protected the same way
Craving to catch a break from all the fighting
Scared by the past
Hoping that open wounds do not turn into permanent scars
Walking back to my comfort zone
I watch the future unfold right front of me without my control
Burned red eyes
A moment alone is all I need
With a million unanswered questions in my head
Drowning my pain in the glass of temporary happiness
I yearn to be enough

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