Validation I stopped seeking for…

My deepest fear is that you see me as a failure
You won’t see me as great
Choosing my dreams over you
I know maybe I haven’t done things your way
But you never gave that safety net to speak up
There were moments where you thought I was stupid
And truth be told I actually believe it
Felt like I was never enough for anyone
I was in dark place at one point
And all I thought about was suicide
Writing so many sucidal notes
Losing so much weight
I found myself having eating disorders
A disorder that had lasting effects on my body
I never had the strength to believe in myself
Thinking that maybe you would notice
And you would give me a couple of words of encouragement
But I got nothing
I thought maybe I wasn’t yours for a second
Cause of the the way things were
Someone once said that I should never apologize for being who I am
But I can’t apologize for choosing who I am
And who I always wanted to be
I tried my best to make you happy
But I found myself hitting my head against a wall
I felt worthless
And hopeless
Thinking that things would change
But it never did
I thought you would take notice
But you just looked the other way like nothing is wrong
I found my peace
My sanity
But to you it turned out to be a waste of time
I thought I could run away from my calling by living your dream
Thinking that maybe you would tell me that you are proud of me
But there was nothing
I was still unhappy
Lacked fulfillment in my life
I was constantly confused
Feeling myself stepping into a place of suicide
But I started writing about how I feel
And I felt at ease
Like I found myself again
Making peace with the fact that I will be enough in your eyes

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