Unknown Feelings Of A Rejected Soul

I wish I felt all the emotions that I feel now 21 years ago
Then maybe when I was 3 years old I would write a letter to ask Father Christmas to find you
And when I turned 6 years old you would be holding my hand taking me to my first day of school
I wanted you to take me to hospital when I fell sick
So that when the anaesthetic wore off your smile would be first thing I saw

I wanted so badly for you to see the emotional abuse I have endured
Maybe you would understand why sucidie and love was my greatest escape
As I found myself trying to find out who I truly am

I wanted so badly for you to see my first poetry piece
And for you to be excited about the found my place in the world…

I wanted to you to be part of my first heartbreak
It was one that cicatrice me for life
And left me broken
That it was hard to forget about it

I wish that you were a part of my life then
So I wouldn’t be best friends with taking my own life
That I have to bottle up my emotions so much
Or find myself overdosing on medication wishing that I never wake up the next morning
So that death was my only escape

I wish you were a part of my life when I got an opportunity to stare love into the eyes
For the first time I was actually happy and in love with someone who loved me for who I truly am and not for what the world wanted me to be
He respected the fact that I didn’t consume alcohol and that I was shy…
But now his gone and I scared him away with my issues

I’m not sure if you are aware of my existance
Or the things that I am currently going through
But all I know is that I want to leave
I want to get out
But to get out with a plan to make something of myself

I just want to leave for a while
Or maybe for lifetime
All I know is that I want to end the pain that consumed my life more than alcohol

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13 thoughts on “Unknown Feelings Of A Rejected Soul

  1. Great tribute to your father’s presence in your life,,, hope you may be able to see him more often,,, I like the way you expressed it raw

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  2. You deal with the emotions of loss very well and of the challenges of such situations. I believe that it is a very good thing for poets to write of so-called ‘difficult’ situations because it encourages more open conversation. BTW you might want to edit ‘suicide’ 🙂

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  3. Randy, this is an interesting piece. I am sorry that you had to go through this experience. However, I do want you to know something, although you might not have an earthly father who is present, you have a heavenly father who cares. The Lord our God really does care for us. It can be hard to see sometimes, but when we connect with the Lord, we begin to realize his true presence in our lives. I am convinced that the Lord led me to your page for a reason. Consider this as the Lord reaching out to you sister. God is always with you, and though there may be troubles, the Bible says that we shall overcome because that which lives in us is greater than that which lives in the world. I would like for you to take all your issues to the Lord in prayer. Tell God how you feel. Pray without ceasing. Do not ever stop bothering the Lord about it, and I am certain that he would come through for you. Do not just stop there, also try to build a relationship with the Lord or try to strengthen your relationship with him if you already have one. Focus on the Lord sis, and not on the situation, and the situation is bound to bow to the presence of the most high.

    God says in Isaiah 41:10
    “Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.
    Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.
    I will strengthen you and help you.
    I will hold you up with my victorious right hand”.

    God says in Jeremiah 29:11
    “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope”.

    A relationship with the Lord starts here sister. It begins with faith in the Lord, an obedience to the word, prayers, and a passion for Christ.

    If you want to know about God in more detail, you can find further information here https://christcenteredruminations.wordpress.com/2018/10/23/a-few-things-that-i-have-learned-about-god/ And Here https://christcenteredruminations.wordpress.com/2018/08/29/how-to-build-a-relationship-with-god/

    May God’s blessings be with you, Amen. ❤ ❤

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