MY LIFE ON SET…

“GET OVER IT”
“YOU SHOULD FORGET ABOUT HIM ALREADY”
“MOVE ON”

As these three sentences replay in my head
Just like an recorder on repeat
I realized that he’s gone…

With my head hanging in shame
It’s hits me hard that they wanted my story to be exactly scripted like theirs

With the lights
The same camera
The studio
The same backdrop that seems familiar
The same storyline
That the story is that obvious
Same location that I can’t stand that place where I felt a lot of pain
Pain that no one else bothered to check if I was okay

“It’s a phase” was what they thought
As they try to give me another moment
But it wasn’t like the first one
It was fake
That they wasted too many takes on scripting it

As I stood in front of a men who I barely knew
But they wanted forever to begin
Tears roll down my face

I begin to break down
Knowing that I can’t ignore what I’m feeling anymore
As they expected me to be happy
But this wasn’t me anymore…

My heart wasn’t in it anymore

Because I knew what I wanted…
But I couldn’t have it anymore
Cause they ruined it just because they didn’t like it…

Not considering how I feel
No one bothered to talk to me
Instead they celebrated my pain
They celebrated the tears that I cried now that my version of happiness is gone

I started isolating myself
Not wanting to talk to anyone about anything anymore
The darkness came back again
I realized that I am back at square one

My heart shattered into pieces
That I can’t believe the sacrifice I had to make to the crew happy
People who I thought had my back
Surrounded by people who have their own agenda
And that was to rip me off my happiness for good
But truth is I was just a loner all along

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