WHY ME AND WHY NOW

A hopeless soul

That’s who I am now…

Broken inside

But you can’t see my pain

Cause I’m used to pretending to be something I’m not

I bottled up all my emotions

But you can’t tell when I’m pretending

I look into your eyes

And all I see is embarrassment

Have I become a failure that you are ashamed of me??

As my life flashes right before my eyes

I remember laying in that hospital bed

And all I wish is that I died on that operating table

I ask God to take my embarrassing soul away

I remember all the negative words that you said to me

And I wished I ran away so that you never get to see me again

Out in the cold

Is where I belong

As I am not seen as a strong individual

But as an object passed down from one person to the next

Raped and Abused

Yes,it’s a scary world out there

But it seems like I belong out there

Not seen by you

You’ve always pointed out my faults

But never celebrated my success

I tried my best to close the gap by getting love from an outsider

But it didn’t work out

As I found myself staring at the mirror

Facing my fears one by one

I hope that this time around it works out for me

As I finally face the truth…

I realized that nothing that I do will ever be good enough so why bother??…

Why bother having a dream when all you do is kill it with your negative words??

Am I not good enough to live the nice life

Dressed in Versace and Louis Vuitton

Driving BMW’s??

Why bother living when all you want for me is to settle for average when I know I can be better??

Why bother trying my best to make you proud of me when you never see the good in my hard work??

I know that I can live that life

And become something better…

I know that to you dreams may seem like empty tins taking up space

But it’s all us hopeless and broken souls have to becoming better people

It’s all I have….

And what I’ve always had since I’ve been a hopeless broken soul

Yeah,that’s me

So don’t try and force yourself to be proud of me when you know that your heart is not in it

One thought on “WHY ME AND WHY NOW

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